SotC

Life as we know it

2010-09-30T08:35:00.001-07:00

Life as we know it here in America is an odd thing. I, a middle class blue collar worker bee, have it pretty good. In a slipping economy I have a good job with benefits. I own a nice house in the country (well, own as long as I continue to make my payments...). My wife has a nice car to drive. I have tons of friends and nearby family. Most importantly, I have a personal relationship with my Papa God and I am free to make the most of it.
So then why do I struggle so much? Why does it seem so hard all the time? Why do I have a difficult time with work? Why do I struggle to appreciate my house and cars and all that stuff that is really a gift? Am I spoiled? Am I materialistic?
I have been coming more and more into the knowledge that the world has completely and totally turned logic around from what it was designed to be. So much of what we take for "natural law" isn't natural at all, but rather satan spawned. I want to badly to move from a life of brain knowledge to a life of experiential knowledge. I want to live out what I know. Truth is only as useful as it is applied. "Know the truth and the truth will set you free" doesn't mean that we find things out and are just happy with knowing them. We wouldn't discover the cure to aids and think "Oh good! Now I know the cure for aids I can just wait to die and die happy". Heck no! We would take that knowledge and apply to life. Not just our life but all life and in doing so, improve the quality of that life for MILLIONS!!! So why do we take the spiritual truth we know and act happy knowing it? Why don't we take that knowledge and share it with everyone? I know that many people do, but many more don't. I am so tired of living life to achieve the American Dream. I don't want to work for money! I hate it! I want to work for people. I know that you are supposed to work for God not matter what you are doing but I struggle with that. I try to have a good attitude and do a good job regardless of what I am doing, but I really want to work somewhere that makes a direct and positive difference in peoples lives.

Who are you?

2010-05-04T15:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I walked into a room in my house and found a raving lunatic. He was so off his rocker that he was flat on his face. Out of his mouth spewed nonsense and craziness. The craziest part about it was that he was one hundred percent sure that all he was talking about was true and legitimate. Not only was he sure that the falsity he spoke was true, but he was seriously passionate about it. He looked me in the eye and told me that he had expectations about life. H knew that there was supposed to be a way things went. His life was supposed to have meaning and everyone around him was supposed to see that not only did his life have great meaning, but that he needed them to cater to his every whim and desire for that meaning to come forth. The scary to behold, I was riveted. I couldn't stop listening. His words were honey. His ideas seemed founded in logic and truth. He was so sure of himself. I wanted to know where he came by this information. This life altering, earth shattering information. He said he was born with it. That slowly, as he matured and became the amazing specimen of a man that he is today, the knowledge grew within. It was teetering on the brink of conscience thought when somebody came along and pushed it over the edge by treating him as if he were a normal person. It was like a volcano going off.
This was so exciting to me that I quickly called up a good friend and mentor. “You'll never believe what I've learned today” I practically yelled into the phone, “My expectations and ideas about how life should work are totally legit. The are inborn and therefore one hundred percent truth!”
My friend chuckled and spoke those words which come from the word of God. Showing me, enlightening me to the real truth. The Truth spoken not by a madman, but by Truthspeaker Himself. I went back to that lunatic and spoke the truth to him as well. He was frustrated at having all his rights taken away. At first. Later though, he realized that giving up rights for the short term brings unlimited freedom for the long term, making it more than worth it.

My Struggle

2010-04-09T14:11:00.001-07:00

The mountain looms before me. Snow, ice, rock. Hard, unforgiving, merciless. At the bottom there is nothing. No progress, only stagnation and apathy. At the top there is, if nothing else, a view of what's to come. Though I know there is more. Much more. With daylight fading, I begin my assent. I begin moving from the footprint left when the world stepped on my and begin my forward progress. With determination in my eyes I move upward. I climb. Before I get very far though, I begin to slip. My feet cannot find purchase. I fall on my face, bruising and cutting my skin. Determination aids my legs in lifting from the ground. Again, pushing, fighting, scraping against the rocks with broken and split fingernails. Digging in with numb toes. Exhausted, completely out of fuel that is will to go on, my knees hit the ice. As my upper body nears the snow, my hands automatically appear underneath my chest and attempt to hold up my face. Pain shoots up my right arm. Snow fills my nostrils and open, screaming mouth. Blood is streaming down my arm as it pumps liberally out of my palm. With pressure the bleeding stops. A quick snow wash reveals a slice too clean to have been made by rock or ice. God must be mocking me. Kicking me when I'm down. Taking advantage of my inability to scale the obstacle set before me. What method of torture is He using on me? Three more nicks appear on my fingers as I brush away the snow. A metal spike, browned by my blood pokes through the snow, along with many others connected to a soul. Wish concentrated effort, I free the boot from its icy prison. Its exactly my size. Its partner is revealed next to the whole created by the first climbing boot. With my street shoes behind me, I begin to tread straight up the hill with not one slip. My hand still hurts, I'm still cold, but the summit is in sight. My heart reaches out to the Ever Merciful, seeking and receiving forgiveness for its doubt and thanking Him for always giving me the tools I need, even when I am so blind He has to stab my hand to open my eyes.

2010-03-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

There is water under the seat. Where did it come from? Ask the mountain man, he knows. His knowledge is neverending, that is, until you ask him about flamingos. He is deathly frightened by flamingos. Shame on them. The way the fly about in big groups, as if they don't have any natural predators. Oh, but they do! Alligators!!!!!!! I wish I could eat some alligator. I hear it can be quite tasty. Snake too. One day maybe. But then again, maybe not. I am but dust in the wind, a mere whisp of fog disappearing as soon as the sun appears, am I not?

BOOGERS

2010-03-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

I pick 'em. I flick 'em. I don't eat 'em. I prefer to use a tissue, but when I'm driving, I do what must be done. Then I roll down the window and try to dislodge the sucker one handed. They can be very sticky. I'm gonna go blow my nose now.

I am ready for heaven, or a time machine

2010-03-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

The battle lines have been drawn. Gear is being strapped down. Weapons being sharpened. Here come the combatting armies......BAM! The shit has hit the fan! Oh man look at that splatter! Don't expect more details. Just know some relationships are on the line and I have a feeling some choices are going to be made. Now where is my time machine?

What's in a band name?

2010-03-16T08:28:00.001-07:00

I have been meaning to write this for some time. Listening to KLOVE, not my first choice but only choice for christian radio in good ol' GP, I have recently heard a lot of band names that just sound silly. Names like Tenth Avenue North, Pocket Full of Rocks, and Mike's Chair. Hearing those names makes me wonder, just what kind of holy, inspirational message do names like those put forth? How do those names convey the image of Jesus Christ?
Then it occurred to me. Remember the passage in the gospels where Jesus is railing on the Pharisees for washing the outside of their vessels (aka themselves) when the inside was all maggoty? Well the band names are sparkling on the inside. All three of them put out songs that are just awesome, despite their unchurchlike names. The name is not important, the content is. We have to stop putting on airs like we are some big important thing. These band names have inspired me. They have inspired me to be less judgemental, and more open to letting God work His way.

What a beautiful

2010-03-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

weekend! And, for the first time in quite a while, I actually made use of it! Saturday I helped Doug fix the riding lawn mower he procured for me. It isn't perfect, but it beats not having one, and now it runs great, just has a break lever sticking, do you like my run-on sentence? Sunday I got that lawn mower home and a bunch of firewood as well. I spend lots of time relaxing and taking care of my two Ladies. Last night, well, this morning at about 2:45 I changed a poopy diaper and before I finished, my daughter was yeller her dislike of the whole scenario, but you know what? I didn't mind one bit. I actually enjoyed myself.
I am really looking forward to spring. More sun, more warmth and lots of home improvement.

Feeling better

2010-03-05T09:23:00.001-08:00

Last night I laid on floor so Emily could try and pop my back. From 2 feet away, through my shirt, she could actually see which vertebrae was out. Needless to say, I feel a hundred times better today.

Up and level

2010-03-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

Wow, now I'm a dad. Its awesome. I've had a lot of ups and levels. Not really any downs. It's only been two weeks though :)
My neck hurts, my back is sore from work, I'm tired, my Birthday Dutch Bros. gift card has run out, yet I'm happy. God is faithful and I get to see it all the time.

Gabriella

2010-02-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

Hey honey, will you please come out today? Come on, break that water! I know you can do it! I would love to share my birthday with you. As long as you come real soon that would be fine because mommy is hurting a lot and we are both so excited to meet you!

Another day, another year

2010-02-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

Today is February 9th. That means two things. My friend Ian Ogier is 25. I wonder how he is doing, I haven't seen him in a while. The second thing is that tomorrow, I'll be 25. Can you believe that? I'm the younger brother, and I am going to be twenty freakin five.
I have a lot of misgivings about birthdays. I really don't like having them anymore. This one I have been dreading. I know that I go through this every year. At least for the past few. I can stay young on the inside and blah blah blah, but I still don't like the number.
However, I have been thinking about the positives:
I am one day closer to being with Jesus for eternity. Whether He comes before I go, or I simply go, I'm just one day closer.
Cheaper insurance. I have to have it. There is no getting around it. At least it'll be cheaper now.
Gabriella.
I can't think of anything else. I'm still undecided about whether or not I like it. I think people should be allowed to pick the age they want to be and just stay there. Oh well, whats a guy to do but deal with it, am I right?

My comments

2010-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

are now moderated. I have received my second comment in a foreign language. This one came with a link. I followed, bad idea.

Every five minutes

2010-01-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

So last night at around 7:15 my wife's irregular contractions started coming at more regular intervals. When they started arriving approximately five minutes apart we decided to call the doctor and let them know. We knew they were going to send us in to get checked, but we called anyway and sure enough, around 9 something we headed to the hospital. She was having good contractions but she wasn't dialated at all so they gave her medicine to stoop the contractions since she isn't quite far enough along for them to be "okay" with a delivery. It was not much fun, but it definitely was a little exciting at first.

Google Image Search

2010-01-21T08:53:00.001-08:00

Here is some fun I had today finding pics online

For those of you who don't know, Jeebus is what Homer Simpson always says when I is talking about Jesus.

On the Ground

2010-01-13T10:56:00.000-08:00

I know this is super cheesey, but its on my heart so I guess I don't care.

Here I sit broken hearted
I try to walk but I can't get started
I stand only to fall and get dirt on my face
There is mud in my eyes and I can't see straight
I try to crawl but the wind is too strong
I try to move but I always turn wrong
But whats this? I'm on my feet?
I really thing I'm strong enough to face the heat?
I take a step in the right direction
Only to throw myself down for lack of perfection

The ground is my friend
It never leaves
Its always there
When my courage flees
I know I can trust it
'Cause I can see it plain
There's no puzzle
It's safe and sane
My comfort bubble is all around me now
It protects me with its soothing sound
But God why can't I feel you when I'm on the ground?

Someone is right next to me holding out His hand
I take it in mine and He helps me stand
As soon as I'm up I look Him in the eye
There I can see I was born to fly
I turn around and spread my wings
I flap them hard as an angel sings
I try so hard but don't go anywhere
I look down and begin to despair
I've gone nowhere with the freedom He gave
To my comfort zone I am still a slave
My own devices have let me down
It would be so easy just to sink to the ground

The ground is my friend
It never leaves
Its always there
When my courage flees
I know I can trust it
'Cause I can see it plain
There's no puzzle
It's safe and sane
My comfort bubble is all around me now
It protects me with its soothing sound
But God why can't I feel you when I'm on the ground?

As my knees sink toward the earth
I hear a voice whisper my worth
It tells me I can do it I'm not alone
God isn't just sitting upon His throne
He is on the earth walking around
Looking for people who are on the ground
He wants to lift them up and be their friend
Their hurts and tears He wants to mend
Too bad I am always fight for control
Trying force my will upon my soul
I thank Him for setting me free
Then I put myself back in chains
He will take care of me
He is there and He wants to help so why do I try to take matters into my own hands, why do I ignor Him? All I have to do is climb into His arms, let Him lead, let Him do all the heavy work. I am always trying to do "whats right" when in truth I should be letting Him do whats right. He wants to work though me. I need to stop trying so hard. I need to allow Him to take control.

Blogging

2010-01-04T14:47:00.001-08:00

is fun, but I'm not feeling inspired lately.

Why Boys Need Parents

2009-12-29T11:48:00.000-08:00

These are not my pics, but they are hilarious so I'm posting them anyway.

Basketball Season

2009-12-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

This season, basketball is going much better for me than last season. Obviously, there has been an improvement in my skill level versus the beginning of last season, but morale and teamwise it is much better. I am having a lot more fun. I know most of the team well and the players who cause much strife and frustration are not a part of the team this year. I am getting a lot of play time and though I've made some dumb mistakes and even gotten reprimanded by the ref one game, I am also making better plays and being more useful to the team overall. I have also really enjoyed my family coming to watch. Last year they were at a lot of games but this year there are more of them and that is fun. I now have a 26 day span between games to my challenge is going to be staying in shape.

Oh, and as far as having more fun goes, the winning doesn't hurt.

preseason game 4

2009-12-01T10:43:00.001-08:00

Last night we had our fourth and last pre-season game. We started of slow, but that could be because most of our guys showed up close to the starting time and they started the game about 15 minutes early. We rallied though and won by a good margin. I personally had a rough start to the game but, with help from my teammates and wife, was able to settle down and just play and I ended up having a pretty good game. I also had lots of fans there. Zac, Chloe, Mom, Haylie, and of course my beautiful wife with her lovely round belly :)

ZAC!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

Now its my turn to get after you! Keep it at home at least!

Bunco

2009-11-19T14:23:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture from the Ministry Team Bunco Night. Unfortunately the lighting was terrible and there are very few good pics. Here is one that Emily and I especially like:

What the heck?

2009-11-17T12:44:00.001-08:00

I swore blatently in my last post and still no comments. *sigh*

Remember that coldsore?

2009-11-12T13:48:00.001-08:00

Today at work, a customer came up to the counter and says "Is that a herpe on your lip?" I said "yes" because I was trying not to get upset and he says "Better watch who you kissed, or what you kissed". Then went into a story about having girlfriends with herpes etc. Asshole.

Stupid coldsore!

2009-11-12T12:40:00.000-08:00

Move It!

2009-11-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

This morning as my wife and I were laying bed, waking up, listening to her alarm go off sever times because she wakes up extra early just to snooze, I got to feel our baby move a lot. Emily said that she often starts moving when the alarm goes off for the first time. I have felt her (Gabriella that is) move before but this morning it felt like something was trying to get out. It wasn't just a slight movement, it was a serious push. So cool!

The Amazing Message

2009-11-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been reading the book of Romans in the Message bible. It is awesome. Reading through some of the chapters in the New International Version, which I believe is the most popular, there are phrases that are very well known and often quoted such as
Romans 12:1-2
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

However in the Message version it reads like this:
Romans 12:1-2
1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

See the difference? I have nothing against the NIV however the Message just puts it so plainly, no research needed. I don't have to figure out what it means to be a "living sacrifice" or how to renew my mind, its written in plain American. Yes I said American and not English in purpose. I have always enjoyed the new testament but reading Romans in the Message lately has just been really really good for me.

See for yourself www.biblegateway.com

Did you hear Willie Nelson was hit by a car?

2009-10-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

He was on the road again.

Hello EBAY

2009-10-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my cut offedness was only temporary. :D

flip the switch

2009-10-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

There is a greater meaning in life. To life. I know this. As my father-in-law would say, "I know it in my knower". Y'all know what I'm talking about. Anywho, back to meaning. My life is important. I use my life to better the lives of those around me. My life is a bulb and I can flip the switch. My light turns on and illuminates my immediate surrounding area. Those nearby can see better and some even find their own light switch. There is a ripple effect and soon people whom I have never met and never will meet are finding their light switches all because I chose to flip mine.

Meanwhile, I sit here at work and wonder what I can do to make life more interesting. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot going on in my life. I have an amazing God who has filled me with His spirit and shown me what lies beyond our brief sojourn here on earth as we know it. I have a beautiful adventurous red-head for a wife who is currently pregnant with our first child, an adventure in itself. I have a house to take care of, and a huge family who loves me and loves spending time with me. I have lots of friends and we like doing things together such as playing wow cards. I am a deacon at my church, well, technically the deacon which means I have lots of responsibility. I also have lots of books to read and video games to play, both of which I really enjoy. All of this is piled on top of 9 hours of daily work and an hour and a half of driving. Oh and that job is one that takes years to get really good at so I am constantly learning and asking for help.

Interesting? It shoud be. I think my main problem is that I'm not looking at anything with the right lens. Except my xbox. I like that, but I don't play it as much as I expected I would. Too many other things to do I guess. Anywho, lens. There are times when I look at all I have and all who have me and I just am in awe. I like those times. Those times generally come when someone nearby me flips on their light, and helps me see better.

p.s. sorry there are no pictures to make my blogs easier on the eyes.

Here is something I read Tuesday

2009-10-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

that I liked a lot.

Romans 4:19-25
Abraham didn't focus on his own impotence and say, "It's hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child." Nor did he survey Sarah's decades of infertility and give up. He didn't tiptoe around God's promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That's why it is said, "Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right." But it's not just Abraham; it's also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.

Goodbye Ebay

2009-10-15T11:45:00.001-07:00

Well, thats it. Its over. Its done. It is, no more.
My internet access at work has been getting stricter lately. They've put a limit on our time and cut out all those awesome sites like www.freearcade.com
It isn't very nice of them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd probably do the same thing in their shoes, but it is still annoying. Up until today, I still had access to a certain buying, selling, good time site known as EBAY. Alas, my access is no more. *sigh*

One Tuesday Morning

2009-10-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

This morning was very similar to a morning I have at least one or two times a week. I got up early, though not as early as I'd planned. I took a long shower and then it was back to bed. My wife likes to snuggle and snooze. A lot. So I ended up not actually getting out of bed until 6:30. Considering I leave my house at around 7 to get to work on time, that didn't give me a whole lot of room to wiggle. Clean clothes were located, lunch was made and a hasty breakfast was prepared. Got it all together, zipped out the door, went back in to turn off a light, zipped out again, a last goodbye hug and it was on the road.
Lots of slow cars on the highway and freeway and eventually I made it to work.

Exciting no? I guess it beats a million other situations. I think I'd rather it be something like this:

I open my eyes. Through the small bedside window I see darkness tinged with the grey of the coming dawn and the outlines of giant evergreens. I slip from under the covers, careful not to disturb my sleeping wife and find my shoes. I grab my bow, quiver and skinning knife.

Outside I travel swiftly yet with almost no sound. I pass many small rodents en route to their daytime shelters, but they do not interest me. My path takes me through a mist enshrouded forest, up a steep hill to an outcropping of large rocks above a sprawling field. I settle in and wait. The breeze stirs my hair and cools my face. It's blowing uphill, carrying my scent away from the bedded down game.

As time ticks slowly by I thank God for the beautiful land and for all He has given me. His glory is shown plain and evident in all I can see. I have felt His provision and covering my whole life and there is no possible way I can sanely deny that He exists and loves me.

Suddenly I am stirred out of my revere. Movement down below. Three does rise from their beds to begin grazing. They love the dew covered grass. I could take any one of these but I would prefer a stag to avoid leaving a fawn without a caretaker. Soon, my patience is rewarded. A large buck enters the field and walks into plain sight. The arrow I've had strung stretches the string tight as the feather fletching brushes my cheek. I concentrate. My skill as a hunter is the only hope of survival for my family. The silent missile streaks through the air and finds its mark. I thank my Heavenly Father for His provision.

I arrive back at my home and find my wife making breakfast and preparing for the day. There is a lot to do but we are both looking forward to its challenges.

Maybe an apocalypse wouldn't be such a bad thing after all........

2009-10-09T13:24:00.001-07:00

Here are pics of my sweet little baby!

Introducing Gabriella Elizabeth

She has arms, legs and super cute little lips too!

Mmm mm tasty!

2009-10-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

I like eating dinner at Sizzler. The have some tasty food. Its especially tasty when its FREE!!!

My brother-in-law and I bet on whether my wife is pregnant with a girl or a boy. I won! Its a girl. I just knew it. Don't ask me how. Maybe thats fathers intuition. My brother knew all his kids. Maybe its just a McEntire thing. Then again, my parents had me pegged to be "Shoshana Rose" so who knows. I guess it could be a Wytcherley boy thing. who knows

Hi Yah!!!

2009-10-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Last night, for the first time, I felt my baby kick.
My wife is all of the time saying that the baby is tickling her or kicking her because, obviously, she can feel it on the inside. Last night she felt it on the outside so I put my hand there and what do you know? I felt it. It was super cool. I am very excited to find out if its a boy or girl on Thursday. I don't care either way, I just want a healthy baby, but I'm thinking its a girl. We'll see :)

I'm not perfect, but God still likes me

2009-08-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

So I was looking through my recent posts and came across one about moderation. It was funny because in it I said that I have no problem moderating my alcohol intake. Interestingly enough, about a week and a half ago, this was not true......

A really really good friend of mine was coming down from Portland for a visit. We chit chat on the phone a lot but I hadn't seen him since February and then only for a few hours. His bus came in Saturday afternoon and we went to my house to chill out and wait for evening time. A group of us were going to go out for a couple of drinks at a fun bar in Medford. I was excited because I was going to get to show a couple of friends that its possible to have a good time without going overboard. Haha. For those of you that were there, you know how that turned out. I don't know what went wrong or what I was thinking. In fact I don't think that I was thinking. I don't currently think that I was thinking anything at all. From my first beer on, I was going way too fast. I remember 7 beers and 3 shots. According to my friends I had a few more after that as well. I'll have to take them on their word because after beer number seven, I don't remember much.

I could say that it was a really hot day and I drank very little water and thats why I couldn't handle my whiskey, but screw that. I don't want to be known for being able to handle it. I don't want to know how much I can handle. The truth is, I rarely drink more then two beers in one night so I'm not used to that sort of thing. I was more drunk than I have ever been. I have brief flashes of memories: talking to my brother, puking on my friend Levi, kneeling on the side of the freeway puking, laying on the patio behind my parents house blathering on and on about everything that popped into my head and puking. I also swore a lot. I'm not saying that swearing is some horrible thing, but I generally try to keep my mouth clean for various reasons. Oh, and according to legend, I also showed off some pretty serious dance moves and informed my good friend that he was not gay. I was pretty ashamed of my behavior, mostly ashamed that I let things get out of control so quickly, but I'm not ashamed any more. I'm not proud of my behavior and I don't think I'll be having a drink any time soon ( that could be due to being sick the entire next day. I couldn't even hold down water until late afternoon). I just know that its behind me, Jesus is still my best friend, God is happy with me and loves and thinks no less of me and still wants to use me just as much. My wife was upset of course, I broke two promises that night, but she forgave me very quickly and took care of me the whole next day. Everybody in my life loves me so much and I am so rich because of it. So there you have it. Its a bad memory but its a learning memory. Thank you everyone who took care of me and thank you Jesus for taking care of everybody.

Goodness

2009-07-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

God is good. Just absolutely good. There is no evil in Him. He is pure 100% good. I'm finally getting to a place where I can see how much emphasis I've put on myself lately. Letting go of yourself is not a bad thing. You don't lose your identity, become a clone of the system doing only what is required of you by an unseen entity who wants mindless robot servants, but rather you discover yourself in a deeper more intimate way than is possible through any other source. I love who God made me to be. The world can be taking a crap on me and even though it smells and is unsightly and just plain sucks, if I can just pass it all on to God, He can and will take care of it for me. He loves me soooo much that he would sit under an elephant with the hershey squirts so I didn't have to. God. The Almight rule of the entire universe would do that for me. Wow, now thats humbling. I sure do love Him.

Daddy

2009-07-01T14:54:00.001-07:00

I found out this weekend that I will soon be hearing that word in my house. Well, by soon I mean in a couple years. My wife is going to have a baby and we are so super happy. We've been trying for almost three years and had one miscarriage, two surgeries on female reproductive parts and a doctors prediction that natural conception was very unlikely. Thankfully for us, our God is above all that and His timing is ALWAYS perfect.

Yay!

So cool

2009-06-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here is a very cool deer.

He will be even cooler mounted on my wall next year :)

Work

2009-05-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

Work is crazy. Yes the source of much contention is now gone, but summer is upon us and there are only three men working the whole store. It will not be easy. It will be hectic and stressful. But at least I know my job is secure. If any of you think about it, pray that I will do well, not make a boatload of mistakes, and above all else, remain a constant example of love. Not easy here.

sinus

2009-05-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

Today was the 12th day in a row that my sinuses have been chock full of snot and other nasty stuff. The pressure is not as bad as it was. Well, in some ways its not. Instead of feeling like there is a volleyball stuff behind my face it just feels as though there is a large marble resting under the skin against my cheek bone. Bleh! I have proably used 400 tissues and could have raised the titanic with all the blubber like mucous that has made its way out my nose. I know this is all very enjoyable to read, especially to all you readers eating lemon pudding. Or butterscotch. And the last few days, your pudding has had cherry stripes in it. Sometimes just straight up cherry. MMMMMM. Hopefully soon the pressure will abate, the flow of nasal excrement will come to an end and all will be well again. Lets hope its soon.

My House

2009-05-18T14:18:00.001-07:00

One of the few things I have wanted to do since I was a kid is to hown a home. Own my own home. Why? I'm not really sure, but soon my desire will come to pass. I received word today that the bank signed off on the deal so now all that awaits are inspections and closing. I am looking forward to it immensly.

Moderation

2009-04-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

The key to living right. Moderation. Well, in most respects. There are a few areas in life where moderation is simply an impediment. In the majority of other areas however, moderation makes the river of life flow smoothly and calmly. I am very good at moderating certain areas of my life that other people have a lot of trouble with. Alchohol for instance. I know a lot of people who enjoy it, but have a lot of difficulty just enjoying one or two. They often enjoy 6 or 12. That is just simply not a struggle for me. On the other hand, put a situation in front of me that has a directy relationship between its level of danger and its adrenaline output and I don't always use my better judgement. Contrary to popular belief, I often consider the outcome and the consequenses. I envision what could happen if things go wrong, and if they go right. I don't often just "go for it" without at least some thought. Often enough though, I consider either worth the risk or I underestimate the situation. For instance, I was once going swimming with some friends. The swimming hole was below a high bridge. It was probably sixty feet or so. I had determined before we even went that it would not be worth it to me to jump off because if I was to get hurt I would not be able to go to Brazil like I had planned. Some of the other young fellows were plannning to jump however and so we watched from below as they tried to work up their courage. They had been going on and on about how they were going to jump and basically how tough they were, only after about 15 minutes or maybe even 20, neither of them had gone. I do my best to "walk my talk" and when people brag and boast and then don't back it up, it annoys me greatly. I was so annoyed in fact that I went up on that bridge, readyed myself and after 5 or 10 minutes of making sure I was in just the right position, I jumped. OH BOY was it fun. Falling for multiple seconds and hitting so hard that I was turned completely upside down in the water. After I went, of course the others went as well, but I had to be the first. I had to show them up. And of course I did it again some time later. Fun? Yes! Adrenaline? Very much. Stupid? Yes again. That is where my battle lies, in the listening to the better judgment God gave me. One needn't live in fear, but one should not be foolish either.

Pain :)

2009-04-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Okay so right now I'm not in much pain, but that is because I'm sitting in just the perfect position. If I move to the left or right, I'm gonna be in more pain. Its amazing how many movements can cause a bruised rib to bite you. My stomach muscles are not nearly as sore as yesterday, which is nice, but my side is still very tender. Hmm, what to do, what to do.....

The rollercoaster

2009-04-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

Life is such a rollercoaster. It may be clicke` but I don't care. One moment you are riding high some victory, achievement, or success and the next you take a sucker punch to the gonads. It almost makes one feel fear when confronted with something to rejoice about because there is always the wonder about what evil is about to befall one due to the good that has already come. I know that is not a good attitude, but it is so totally frustrating when it feels like there is no straight up good thing. God is good yes, and all He does is good, but the world is evil and it uses us for its whipping boy to get back at God for doing and being good. I know He has us in the palm of His hand and He won't give us more than we can handle, I know that very well. I am just sick of the negative side of life. I guess thats how it works though, you take the bad with the good and vice versa. I am going to do my best to just focus on the good parts of life and giving God glory, but those negative sides are sure in your face.

Stupid Devil.

Bleh.

mis-placed

2009-03-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

I often mis-place items. I often forget where I've put things. I often stare right at what I'm looking for without seeing it. I often try my hardest at what I'm doing, and it still goes awry. I am often accused of not paying attention or not putting my effort into something. I often disagree with these accusations however I am powerless to object because there is no firm argument as to why a job was either done incorectly or was not done at all. I could say it is because I often misplace my thoughts. I try to always put them in the same place, the place where they go, but I can't seem to find them very often. Maybe I am not very organized inside. Maybe my thought shelves are either full or simply mislabeled. Maybe I don't often misplace things, maybe I simply misplace the thoughts that pertain to that certain thing or event. Either way, I sure wish I could work something out with my brain. Reach some sort of agreement to where we work together instead of against each other. Maybe someday.

OMSI

2009-02-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

I got the opportunity to go to OMSI, which is, Oregon Museum of Science and Information maybe? Something like that. I could look it up I guess, but naw, I'll just be lazy. It was an absolute blast. The regular part of the place has mostly stuff for kids to do. There are tons of science examples to play with such as a table where you build a building to withstand an earthquake then you hit the start button and it shakes all over to test your design and tons of other stuff. The area that was really interesting to me however was the special presentation of Leonardo Da Vinci. Wow. It was amazing. He invented and tested so many things that affect our current way of life. A lot of people know he worked with flying machines, but he also created multiple versions of the self-propelled car, cranes, automatic hammers, he designed a city to better withstand the black plague, and even though he hated violence, he made many war machines including a tank. All his inventions are enough to keep one entertained but he also studied the human body extensively, and then there is always his painting. There has been a lot of investigating done on the mona lisa, and that is really interesting. I have never been enthralled with the thing like so many people are, but once I saw the a picture taken of it in infra-red with a 240,000,000 megapixel camera, it liked it way better. I'm definitely going to have to do some research into him, I'm sure it will make for a good read.

Come and Gone

2009-02-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the end of the 24th year of my life. Today is the first day of the 25th. What does being 24 mean? What symbolism of manhood does it grant? What step must I now take to reflect the new number that reflects the time I've spent on this here earth? Not a darn thing thats what. After hearing me complain about having to continue to have birthdays every year, a good friend told something that was really meaningful. He said "just because you grow older doesn't mean you have to grow up on the inside" which isn't to say I am going to be acting like a 23 year old when I'm fifty, heavens no, what it means is that I don't have to lose touch with who I am, with my youth as it were just because i continue to age. I had a wonderful year as far as birthdays are concerned. I got to celebrate it with my family, and my in-laws, and my wife threw me a surprise party with all of my friends. I think that I had the most fun ever, but I can't really remember all of them :) Thanks to all who made me feel loved this year.

What a weekend

2009-02-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Wow, okay here goes:
On Friday I was all stoked because I was going to spend the evening with my brother watching movies and just chillin'. I got home from work and my wife was already packing to go. She told me that a friend of mine, Phil, needed some help moving some sound equipment at church and had asked if I could run do that before going to my brothers house. We headed that way and before we got there my wife started trying to get me to go to the store for more ginger ale. She wasn't feeling too good so she wanted to get more, I told her to just wait we'd get more later. She was really upset and I couldn't figure out why she was being so silly. We got to the church and I parked around the side, but I didn't see Phil's car, I saw my brothers. I had called him to tell him I had to run by the church so I thought maybe he came to help move stuff so it would go faster. We went it and I was grabbed by a bunch of guys, luckily they didn't try anything funny or I would have had to kick all their butts at once :] Phil wasn't there and I asked what was going on and they all said they were there to help Phil. I thought that was fine so we started shootin hoops waiting for the man to get there. It was only a few minutes until he arrived and we just kept playing ball. After a little while I got pretty confused. I said "Whats going on here?" and they all said "Happy Birthday!!!". It was a surprise party set up for me by my wife. Looking back on the past week there were several times when I thought she was sure acting funny. When she basically urged me to spend the evening at my bros, when she laughed and though it was cute that he was so excited to watch a movie with me he kept texting me and so on. We had a great time, played 5 flags up, cone ball, ultimate football, basketball, ate pizza, drank soda, farted, a lot. It was good "man time". Afterwards, I went over to my buddy Shiloh's house and we stayed up until 2:30 playing video games. After that it was off to the inlaws to sleep for about 3 1/2 hours. I got up and went to my house to get ready for men's meeting which was at seven. After that I went over to my father-in-law's house and drug brush until lunch time. There were a lot of people over helping so it was more fun than usual, although I generally have a pretty good time. The only thing is, I was already sore from the previous night, staying up late playing physical games then sleeping 3 hours on the floor, so dragging brush made it worse. That and the fact that when I drag, I have this curious urge to drag the biggest piece I can find and not only take over to the pile, but pick it up over my head and throw it on top. Safe to say I was hurtin for certain. Last night I had a basketball game against a team that has beaten us twice already. I was still sore, but I had stretched a lot and felt as ready as I could be. It was a hard fought battle, they are big and skilled. We ended up losing again, but I personally had a great time. I got six points, which is good for me, and I didn't air ball the free throw like last game, yeah, that's right, I air balled a free throw. It was a long and glorious weekend filled with much merry making and bruise taking. Good times.

What is sad

2009-02-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

Today is Friday, normally a good day. Tonight I am going over to my brothers house to watch a movie, Shooter, and that is going to be good. I am having lunch with my mom today, I don't have to make anything and she always brings lots, and that is good. Fridays are good days. So what is sad? Today my boss is getting surgery on his wrist, and everybody is just happy he's gone. It is sad that even with how good Fridays are, its even better without the boss. He is a good guy, but he just makes things difficult. Especially slow days. I hope his surgery goes good. Maybe he'll get more sleep and be less cranky. Lets hope.

little? no, BIG

2009-02-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

I picked up a small rock, it caused an avalanche
I make a small spark, it destroyed a forest
One small clot, one life stealing heart attack
You never know the repercussions of your actions.

Goal Update

2009-02-02T09:09:00.000-08:00

My goal for the end of January was sugar only once a week. A week is 24 hours long, right?

January

2009-01-30T08:36:00.001-08:00

So today is the last day I will be posting in January since I only post while at work. This month has been a strange one. Lots of good things, lots of bad. Yesterday was the memorial service for Silas and Josh. It was pretty emotional, but not as bad as I expected. Well, not for me anyway. Mainly because of the ceremnial parts such as the multitude of hymns and choirs singing and the pastor talking for so long. Not that there is anythng wrong with that, but it just kind of took the emotion out of it for me. I didn't go to the burial, or internment I think they called it. I didn't feel like I needed to, but now I feel bad, I feel like I should have gone. Oh well, the past is the past. Thinking about the past, I used to really wish I could go back in time and change things. I have learned since then that is a silly waste of time and I don't bother with it anymore, but just going through some memories really filled me with regret. I know a lot of people say you should regret life, but there were a lot of instances where I could have treated people better. A lot better. I know that its behind me now and I need to simply learn all I can from it, but it still makes me sad that I didn't make as the positive influence I could have.

Heres to looking forward I guess. Never waste a minute. Always use it for the best. You never know when you might not have any minutes left.

More Dreams

2009-01-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, even though I've had a less than enthusiastic response to previous dream postings, I will post yet again. The reason I am posting these is because I feel they are prophetic. Don't ask me why, there are just times when I feel like the dream I had was real in a sense and I've seen them come true before, though never in a literal sense. I've learned to listen to my spiritual senses when it comes to these dreams.

This dream occurred in three flashes. First part I don't remember. Second part: I was at some sort of school in the gym. There were a bunch of metal folding chairs set up and people sitting in them. Suddenly, a machine gun started firing. I heard someone say "They pointed it right at the Russians!". I looked to my right and I saw men in green clothing, looked almost like uniforms, getting shot. One in particular fell to the ground and continued to get holes punched in his head. Another from the group tried to protect him and was shot as well. All in all I saw four "Russians" get shot multiple times. The shooting stopped and I looked to the front of the crowd and saw a machine gun on a bi-pod break to pieces. The gun was out in the open and nobody did anything to stop it. It went on for about two minutes.

Flash three: I was at home, lying on the couch only the couch was along a different wall. A couple that I know was leaving our house and talking about their kids. The man said that his son (who appeared to be about four years old) had a personality disorder that came out in five different voices. My instant thought was demonic influence. The boy came up to me as they were leaving and put his lips right on mine. I tried to pull away because I didn't want anybody to think I was doing something to the boy. For some reason I couldn't pull away and as I struggled I woke up with a gasp.

I know they sound really weird, but I'm telling you, I know they mean something.

God is a good God

2009-01-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

I have a memory, from about 7 years ago when, while working at my first job (McDonalds) I said that I wished I had more patience. My boss told me to be careful what I wished/prayed for because patience only comes through situations requiring patience. Aka, annoying, frustrating times. Since then I have always thought twice about asking God to give me more of certain virtues, basically the fruits of the spirit. I remember the song from VBS, "Love joy peace, patience kindness goodness grace, gentleness, and self control, this is the fruit of the spirit. I was thinking about it today and you know what? God is good. Every good and perfect gift comes from God. If we, being evil, desire good for our children, how much more will God, the only good being in existence, desire good for us? That is a paraphrase to be sure, but that is basically what it says. God has good things in mind for us. He wants to prosper us, not harm us. We should never be afraid to ask of God. We should never be worried about unintentional consequences. He Desires good for us and He is the all powerful God. That's not to say the devil doesn't mess things up now and then, but God is stronger than the devil and even when bad things happen, God will bring good out of them. Every time.

Father, please help me to grow in every one of those fruits. Help me to be more patient, kind and help me please please please to have more self-control. Thank you so much. I love you Papa :)

Josh

2009-01-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

I remember your voice most of all. Always tinged with a laugh. I remember the way you liked to put a "y" at the end of everyones name: Timmy, Joely, even Ireney on extra silly days. You loved life and you loved having fun. Thanks you God that we got to spend 17 years with somebody so cheering and uplifting. Can't way to hear you say "welcome home Matty"

Silas

2009-01-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

For a moment, try to think of the nicest person you know. Try to think of the one person in your life who gets along with absolutely everybody.
This is Silas. Was Silas I guess. I hadn't talked to him in a couple months, but I have many memories. He was always ready to laugh, always ready to find humor in life's frustrations, even when they were often pointed at him. I honestly have nothing but good memories. It is weird to think that he is gone. I know that he is having a rolicking good time. He is probably talking to Josh, though about what, I don't really know. I think the only thing holding his family together right now is the hope that Josh will come back. We are all praying and hoping and trusting the Almight God to save him. Well, I guess I shouldn't say save, because he is in the best place in the world, I should say give him back to us for some more time. I am just praying praying praying, but it is hard to hope after seeing him. After seeing the blank stare in his half open eyes. Thankfully, it is not up to me. It is in Papa's hands now, and Papa has perfect timing.

Silas, I miss you already, thanks for being my friend. I'll see you soon. Be sure you have a spot saved for me in front of the bigscreen to play some Starfox. I love you.

Lazy

2009-01-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

Today I was lazy. I felt sleepy this morning so I didn't go to the gym. It wouldn't be so bad except that I don't pay for my gym membership. I am part of a deal that allows me to work 4 hours per week and earn a free family membership. I didn't work my hour today. I was lazy. I feel bad about it. I know I shouldn't dwell on it, I need to move on, but I still be bad. I hate being lazy. Bleh!

More Basketball

2009-01-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

Last night we had our fifth regular season game. We started the season 0-3. Yuck! We even got beat by a team we should have walloped (we were up by 12 at one point) but ended up losing because we couldn't hold it together. Thursday was our fourth game. We only had 6 of our regular 11 in attendance. It went much better that way. Instead of changing guys in and out a bunch of times we kept more of a steady line-up playing. It was much easier to establish a rhythm that way. It was a close game and we ended up winning by four. Last night we had seven out of the regular eleven. Come to find out, one guy quit, another started swimming, and one might not show up to much due to work. One guy was out of town and no word on the last. We had a replacement for the quitter which was nice because it gave us more of a break. It was a hard fought game and just like the first time we played this particular team, there were way too many fouls. The score was close at first but we pulled away in the fourth quarter. As we went into the last couple minutes, my coach/manager/teammate told me that the plan was to pass the ball around a lot to avoid fouls and keep the clock running. "Try not to shoot it" he told me. Not a problem for me. I generally avoid shooting as much as I can because I am terrible at it. Coincidentally, the other team paid me no heed and I ended up getting the ball right under the hoop and scoring two baskets. Lay-ups I can do. It was a fun game and I hope we have the shortage of guys in the future. Call me selfish if you want, but I like getting to play more than a few minutes.

Papa, what do you look like?

2009-01-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

Okay so, I have always had something in my mind that separated Jesus form God. There was just something there, not sure where it came from, though I have a few theories, I am not going to discuss them here. I always looked to Jesus for everything, which is okay, but the reason I did was because I was seeing a "good cop, bad cop" routine go though my head. That doesn't exist. Jesus is God. They are one. It says so right in the bible, check it out:

John 14:7-9
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really knew me, you would know[b] my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

8Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."

9Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.

Everything that Jesus said/did was the same thing as God saying/doing them. God wants us to just love everyone. God healed all those people. Okay so that's nice, but doesn't that then mean that only Jesus could heal people? Obviously not since the disciples did. Jesus was a man. Straight up. Not "God as man" but just a plain ordinary ol' man, except for one thing. He never sinned. At all, not once. He lived in right relationship with God. Well, I guess that leaves me out, I'm screwed cause I sin all the time (even though I hate it). Actually, there was that time Jesus was killed, you remember that? Yeah that means He gave you an easy button to get to God. Now I can live in right relationship with Him because I am pure and Holy. BLASPHEMER!

Not, its not through me or anything I did, its through the blood. Its not fair, its too easy, but I didn't make the rules. Oh and don't forget, after you hit the easy button, you still have to put the supplies away and then use them, its not the end of story.

Okay well that turned into something I totally didn't plan. Oh well, maybe someone needed to read it. My original point was, God is good. He really is and He really, really, really loves you sooooooo much.

Is it finally time?

2009-01-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

Has there been one thing you have wanted to do for your whole life? For it its playing the drums. I have been a music lover for as long as I can remember. I love rhythm and getting down with my bad self. Honestly, I also love the action, you know, hitting stuff and making loud noise. Its just something I'm naturally good at :)

I had a set for a little while. It was the "old" set of a friend and he said I could use it to learn on. Well, that was going pretty good until I got married and moved into a studio apartment. Not exactly a lot of room for extras there. Since then we've lived with roommates or in our travel trailer so there has been no room. Well now we have a two bedroom place for ourselves. I have the room. After that I just had to figure out how to get the drums. I'm not what you'd call rich, well, in this day and age maybe just being able to pay all your bills (by the grace of Papa) makes you rich, and "slush" money is hard to come by. The Good Lord heard my prayers, the ones I didn't pray because that would selfish (silly me), and He gave me a set. Two actually. He is so amazing. I got a set from my beautiful sister Sarah for Christmas, then that Sunday a gal in church whom I've been helping with some stuff offered me another. There is always more than enough, right?

So now, I have the drums, I have the room for them, next is to learn. Well, before that I have to make them playable at my house. I live in a condominium and there are lots and lots of rules. Luckily there are other people in the world who have my same predicament. There is a product called "mutes" which is basically round rubber pads that go on the drums to make them quiet. That way you can still practice all the motions without making too much racket, and although this isn't my preferred style, its better than nothing. Much better. Okay, anyway, back to the topic at hand, learning. The nice thing about going to church is that you know lots of people. At my church we have upwards of 300 people in attendance on any given Sunday, and I know most of them. I'm a bit of a people person and I talk a lot. Two of my friends, Mo and Fred (yes that is their real names), both offered to help me right away. I know that I could also ask Cedar and Arby (yes again on the names, aren't they awesome?) for help if I needed it. God is so the best provider in the world. He takes care of us like a parent takes care of their little kid only He is a lot better at it, and a lot smarter, and He has infinite access to anything. At this point I could say that "my dad could beat your dad" but why would a guy beat himself?

All to say, I'm smiling on the inside right now. :) :D

Focusing on the Temporary Benefits

2009-01-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed how some people thing temporary fixes will be really good for them? They (I'm included here all too often) See something that will make their problems go away, at least for a little while, but that's okay because when that runs out, they'll just find another. Its like grabbing a coal out of the fire because your hands are cold. Sure, it warms your hands up, but then it starts to burn them, and leaves them a lot worse off. The nice thing is when it starts to get too hot, you can drop it. Sadly, most quick fixes in life are more like napalm:

"Hey that looks nice and toasty, oh yeah warming right up. Oh wow, that's starting to get hot, oh wow, oh man! I can't get it off! Oh holy crap! I have no hands!"

By then its too late. The damage has been done. At least your hands are warm, lying there in a puddle of goo. It would have taken far too long to sit near the fire, a safe distance away, turning your hands back and forth to evenly increase the temperature of both sides. No, way too much work. I'll just take the easy road. I'll just take to road that looks like stairs, really, really big stairs. Sure it hurts when you hit the ground from 12 feet up, but hey, you got down quicker and easier.

Okay, nuff said, the temporary fix pisses me off.

Lets sing about sex!

2009-01-12T09:16:00.001-08:00

Wham Bam Thank you Ma'am!
That's what they say when they get all done
No need to talk it out
Just be a man and do it son

Its okay to enjoy yourself
Its okay if it feels nice
Theres nothing wrong with letting go
Its not like you're gonna do it twice

One night on the town
One night back in bed
Theres no need to know her name
As long as she has a pretty head

Tell her what she wants to know
At least what she wants to hear
Get her high on booze and drugs
Get her drunk so she'll hold you near

"Come on baby, lets go home
Don't be loud the kids are sleeping
Its okay their moms out of town
Whats wrong, why are you wheeping?"

"You just want to be loved?
Well girl thats why I'm here
As long as you spread your legs
I'll lend you my slimy ears"

Can't you see what your doing?
Destroying lives without a care
Can't you see the pain you're causing?
When your hearts shredded you don't have a spare

But theres more going on than what you see
There is a reality beyond just "you and me"
Hearts are torn, fighting against themselves
Emotions are placed upon the shelf

They think that's what causes pain
But they don't know its useless shame
They could be fulfilled in an instant
The one who truly loves them is not so distant

If you want to feel loved, but not left behind
If you need to be taken care of, not taken advantage of
If life doesn't give you what you feel it should, you are looking in the wrong place

We were meant to have a living breathing awesome intense pleasurable amazing relationship with God and He wants to take care of our every need and desire. If life drags you down, if nothing is fulfilling, if disappointment is all you know, there is a place to turn. Don't worry about people, whether good, bad, or hypocritical, but give God a chance, He won't let you down.

A strange feeling

2009-01-08T14:41:00.001-08:00

Ever felt like something was trying to climb its way out of your skull? I'm not talking about a headache. Sometimes it actually feels like there isn't enough room inside my head for whatever is rooming with my brain. Strange....

Freedom

2009-01-08T13:23:00.000-08:00

This song is by a band called "Run Kid Run" and the song is called "Freedom". I like it very much. It pisses me off to no end when I fight and fight with something only to realize that hey, that fight was fought 2000 years ago and I don't have to fight it. The revelation is awesome and I feel so much freedom. After a while I go ahead and move on the the next pointless fight. So stupid.

Oh my chains, I can't disengage
I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom,
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One,
Who can bring me this freedom,
I'm ready for change, change, change, change

Looking down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream, Father please, I need rescuing
I need and you alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for

Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go
I see You and You alone
Saying come, follow me
Dispair has come so You can see, release

So I'm singing for freedom
So I'm singing for freedom

The time has come-separation lost the war to love
Take my hand, grace is found, yeah where Your words begin,
You're alive, You're alive, in the waking of new life,
Take my hand, in the end there's only love, there's only love

There's only singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for
Father please, I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

The Speeding Ticket

2009-01-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

For the most part, I'm a good boy.
I obey the law. I do what I can to be a contributing member of society and ramain in good standing with justice. Latley however I've been a bit more relaxed. A bit more at ease. Well, with my speed anyway. I always went the speed limit. I would ask God to make it seem faster so I would enjoy it more. He definitely helped out there, but I guess it wasn't enough for me. I will admit, I like to pass people on the freeway. I like to go fast and get where I'm going without wasting a bunch of time doing it. Sadly though, my incres in speed spilled over into places other than the freeway. I got pulled over three times within the last six weeks. Most of you are probably thinking "you shoulda learned your lesson you bloomin' idiot" however the first two times I received no ticket. I was given mercy due to accidently breaking the speed limit in school zone when I though it was after five but it wasn't, and due to a super nice cop who mostly pulled me over for a license plate light out (which I fixed the next day). This morning however, I was going to the club. Much later than usual due to unavoidable circumstances, and I wasn't watching my speed as well as I should have been. There is a portion of road that is wide, and uncrouded. It is near the freeway and the speed is 25. I have a very difficult time following this and today I didn't even point one bit of attention. I was pulled over in the parking lot for going 40 in a 25. Its my first ticket so I can do driving school, but I can no longer say "I've never gotten a ticket". Maybe thats a good thing. Maybe God is breaking down my pride so that I don't have any self dependence. Fine with me, I just wish it didn't make me feel like a big steaming pile of dog crap.

Old visions vs. New Situations

2009-01-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been struggling with direction. I thought I new what my goals were a long time ago. Then God threw a wrench into the gears and everything changed. It was good and I was excited. Then things changed again, and again, and so on. So now that some time has gone by and I've grown older and more experienced in this thing called life, and now I have no specific goals. There is nothing I am holding onto that I'm expecting to carry me away. I had thought I knew what the next step was, but then I was informed that was not the direction of heading. I was also given the word "don't live on past words" which is terribly frustrating. At what point are we giving up on God's promises? Are we supposed to simply wait until they come to fruition? Are we supposed to move on with our lives hoping that we don't screw things up too badly? Its funny because these plans that seem to be poking their heads up into my life are the plans I had long ago, but they upset me. I'm not one to move on too easily once I've made up my mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm open minded and flexible, but when it comes to major life decisions, I tend to ponder longer and longer before going any specific way and I tend to stay on that road. Now life has decided to split the road ahead.
HAHA! Now what are you going to do? Mr. Steady Plodder, Mr. Gonna Stick With It Until The End! You have to make a choice. You have to go one way or the other and neither of them is what is straight ahead in the distance. Good luck sucker!

So that is what is on my mind right now. Amongst other things. Mounds and mountains of other things.

Confessions/Goals

2009-01-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

The awesome confessions and goals written by PrincessMama have inspired me to write some of my own. In the same way, I am not big on new years resolutions but maybe its time for a change. First up, some confessions.

I'm always worried that I'm going to be hungry later. I get into a habit of eating a ton of food so I won't be hungry later, but then the next time I eat, I still eat a lot because by that point my body needs a huge amount of food to feel satisfied. Granted, I need a lot of calories to because I burn a lot. I am just a big person and I am pretty active.
Also, as strange as it may sound, I eat to feel powerful. I eat food that I know is bad for me and I shouldn't eat because I know no one can stop me. I'm doing something "wrong" and I won't get in trouble for it because its my choice and its my decision. What a stupid attitude. So, in saying, here are some goals:

1. Lose 17 lbs by the end of February
2. Be able to run 2 miles at 8.5 miles an hour without stopping(treadmill)
3. Make sugar a once a week indulgment by end of January

Those are good enough health goals for now.

10 days

2008-12-29T08:40:00.000-08:00

Its been 1o days since my last post. A lot has happened in 10 days. Christmas even and Christmas have come and gone. There have been revelations, mountain rescues and lots of evil goodies. I have a lot to remember christmas by this year. I didn't get sick, well, mostly. I didn't get the flu that most of my family had, I had a cold, but it left me alone that day. There have been a lot of frustrations, negotiations and just plain getting along. I don't really feel like writing everything down. I'm not sure why. Maybe it just isn't the right time or maybe I should be spending my creative thinking elsewhere.

One thing though, Sarah, thanks for your gift, it really means a lot to me. I think Jesus was really looking out for me, I got offered another set on Sunday, how funny is that. I like yours better though and I can' wait to get it home and set up with those big rubber pads to make it all okay. Love you tons.

Stupid Snow

2008-12-19T08:01:00.001-08:00

Why is the snow stupid? Because it keeps teasing me! It snows just enough to make you want to go out and have some fun, but not nearly enough to warrant calling in to work. I try to pray for more snow, but then I think about all the people who don't want it to snow. There are people who want to go to work because they need the money (that's not to say I don't, far from it, I would just be willing to deal with the consequences) people who have road trips planned etc. I can't wish ill upon them just for my own selfish desire. Thank God its Friday and the weekend is soon upon us. We have Sunday set aside for a snow trip after church, Sarah would you like to join us? I'll call you.

Split Ends

2008-12-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking about hair. I'm talking about fingers. This is the second year in a row that my fingers have split really bad right at the corners of my nails. Its terribly frustrating, annoying and painful. Any tips on taking care of them?

World of Warcraft

2008-12-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

Sounds like a fun game. A really fun game. I don't play it because we don't have internet, a computer that would run it smoothly, or the 15 bucks a month it takes to play. Even if we had all that, I probably wouldn't play it much because I don't have a lot of spare time. Which is by choice of course, I have a lot going on for fun and such. It is frustrating though because two of the guys I work with talk about it a lot and now a buddy of mine is playing it too so I get to hear all about it without ever getting to play. Oh don't you just feel oh so bad for me?

Mr. Eye, Meet Mr. Ball

2008-12-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

So this morning, my wife and I were playing raquet ball at the gym. I get hit usually a couple times per game because I am slow. I don't move fast enough and I get tagged. Often, by a ball I just hit that rebounded off the wall. Yeah, pretty sad. But today, today it was different. Well, okay not different, there was more. The ball was flying along with me in hot pursuit. Warm anyway. I took a big ol' swing attemping to fling the blue sphere into the wall before it lost altitude and hit the floor. I didn't miss. Neither did I make solid contact. Instead I hit the ball with the edge of my raquet send straight up into the air. Luckily my face was there to keep the ball from going very high. Mainly, my eye. It hurt, I admit, but its all better now. I thought I might get a black eye, but no such luck. Bad luck that is. Normally I am proud of my war wounds, but that would just attract to much ribbing at work and considering the personality of my boss, I'd still be getting comments on it a year from now.

But then again, maybe I could just pretend he wrote it and left it on my blog.............Nah!

Strange Happenings at Work

2008-12-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

Okay so last Saturday Dec 6th, I was at work. I wasn't working, I just had to be there because someone was using the building for a brazing class. My boss came by to blow some leaves off the sidewalk and parking lot, and of course he then came in to have some coffee and say howdy. We talked for a long time and he brought up an employment ad he had seen in the paper. I was for a job similar to mine only making more money. He encouraged me to check it out. He even went so far as to send me there while I was at work yesterday to turn in an application. I doubt it will come to anything because there are a lot of people applying for it and after talking with the hiring man, I realize I don't quite have all of the qualifications they are looking for.
It is amazing to me though that he cares that much. He cites things like "I know you probably want to buy a house and you've got a wife to take care of" and he is worried because business is really slow and I might not get a raise. He can be so incredibly frustrating during a days work, so much so that I have to fight not to punch him in the face and say "just shut up already! You make no sense and your logic is completely irrational!" and then he goes and does stuff like this. I just wish he could feel the love of God more. He is catholic, so he tries to just live by the law, but it of course isn't working out for him. I just feel bad for him.

Cool Blog

2008-12-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

So recently while browsing the net at work I came across a blog full of fun "lists" such as "10 misspelled tattoos" and "Only in Africa" all pictures. It has a lot of funny stuff, interesting stuff, and some controversial stuff. Check it out
www.oddee.com

Basketball

2008-12-03T07:56:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, the 30th of November, was our fourth and final pre-season game. We got absolutely smashed. I could say, "but it was fun so its okay" but I won't, because it wasn't. Not because we lost, that happens, but because I got annoyed at one of the players on our team. He thinks he's all that, but he really is not. He doesn't do the job he is assigned and the team suffers. Its just frustrating. Oh and he took me out of the game after only two minutes in the last quarter and we didn't do any better with him in. Its a good character building time for me.

Disney Land and such

2008-12-02T12:04:00.001-08:00

Okay so here is my first post since going to disney land a week and a half ago.
Itinerary:
Get picked up at work in Medford at 1 pm
Drive to Sacramento with a stop in Redding for some In 'n' Out burger plus multiple potty stops.
Arrive around 6:30 or something
Leave next morning at 6 am
Stop at the base of the Grapevine for some In 'n' Out burger
Go check out Hollywood
Arrive at hotel in Anaheim around 3 pm
Go to Disney land until around 8
Go to Disney land next day from 8 to 10
Go to Disney Land next day from around 10 to 5:30
Went to Sizzler for dinner cause the wifey needed salad. We ate sourdough bread bowls for all other dinners which are good but the white flour was starting to make her not feel good
Go to Disney Land at 7:30 next day leave at 9:45 drive to Sacramanto
Stay one night instead of two due to annoying circumstances beyond my control
And there you have it. We got back to Medford around 6:30 on Friday night

Disney Land was a lot of fun. It was a good time to go because there weren't nearly as many people there as there is during the Summer. At least thats what I've been told, this was my first trip. There was so much to see and do, but more to see. Every ride was more than a ride. It was a story. There were so many details built in to everything. For instance the Indiana Jones ride. Even while you are standing in line, there are displays of various "adventure" equipment, stone statues, apparent booby traps and more. It was all very entertaining. If I can manage it, I'll get some pics on here, but probably not until next week, if at all. I will definitely want to go back, in maybe 5 or 10 years. Lots of fun but very draining.

Basketball

2008-11-17T15:01:00.000-08:00

Sunday night was our third pre-season game. We won, but only by two. At one point we were up by 11, but the other team were fighters. I honestly saw some of the worst calls ever by the refs that night. For instance, one of our players went up for a shot, a defender was in front of him facing the hoop. They collided during the shot. Generally if a defender is moving and makes contact with the shooter, its a foul on the defender, however, for some reason, the ball was awarded to the other team. We ended up winning anyway, but not without some frustration. I was a little late due to having company over and instead of being there 45 minutes early I was about 10 minutes late so it went really fast, but it was fun. I will miss next week due to being on vacation, which will be sad, but I'll survive. Expect a nice long blog when I get back.

The Shack

2008-11-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

Okay so I just finished reading "The Shack". It is hard to find the words to communicate what I felt reading it. For starters, I have never cried over a book or movie and I have read lots and lots of books. I cried twice reading this book. If you will read my rant below, it is like "The Shack" but only in the sense of comparing a welders mask to somebody seeing for the first time in their 99 years of life. Its amazing. Read it. Its worth the time, effort and money. Please, just give it a chance.

My Job

2008-11-13T08:38:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for my job. Very thankful in fact. There is a lot to be thankful for: great hours, decent pay, awesome benefits, engaging and interesting work etc. However, I am not content here. I am not satisfied. Talking to my mom the other day (I do that quite a bit) she reminded me that when I first started a year and a half ago, I said this was just a lillypad between banks. It was just temporary. A job to pay the bills. So now, when I'm at the point where I'm bored because I have basically mastered my current position and like millions of other places there is not enough business to warrant a promotion, I start thinking about the fact that this lilly pad is awfully small and I can see the edges. In the distance, I can see the far bank, but I am not sure what it looks like. If this is just a job to pay the bills, what is a job that is more than that? What is it that I'm looking for? I get bored easy, yet I can almost always find some way to entertain myself. I've never really been content at a job. There is always something that really bugs me. Something that makes me want to just run away. Hmmm, I don't know. I like stories, and thinking up stories, but putting them to paper is hard for me, as I'm sure it is for a lot of people. What else is there for a guy who just likes to have fun and make people feel good about themselves. I just really like to help people see who they are in Jesus. I know that I can do those things anywhere I am, so maybe I am just being undisciplined or something. I think that if God made me with my personality, He sure as heck had a plan for what I would do with my life. Again I say, hmmmm.

A Quitter

2008-11-12T08:16:00.001-08:00

Thats me. Well, it used to be anyways. When I was growing up, I didn't stick to anything. My parents let me walk away from whatever. I quit highschool, I quit football, I quit college, I quit my first job. I know there were reasons, but I learned its easier to just get out instead of plowing ahead. These days I'm not so inclined to give up easily. I have re-learned that its important to stick with the task and see it through to completion. Right now however, I am not feeling very committed. There is a lot going on in my life that is just frustrating the heck out of me. My mom and I decided that something really good needed to happen in our lives. There is good stuff that happens, but it seems there is a lot more bad stuff. I know that there are good things that can come out of every situation through Jesus, but I'm ready for something really good, something big and good to happen. I'm sick of feeling like I'm climbing a shale hill and everytime I try to get a handhold I get cut and the hold breaks. Pretty soon I'm going too be to weak from blood loss to keep climbing. I know God won't ever give me anything I can't handle, but I sure wish He'd throw me a rope soon.

Currently in Life

2008-11-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm in the back of my warehouse blogging away during inventory pre-count days. I don't have a lot to do right now thanks to the fact that my boss put someone other than himself in charge of inventory and I'm not going around putting "1" on all our compressors etc.

Some other things though. I know that winter is coming because my fingers are beginning to split right at the corner of the nail. I need to start putting on the lotion before my thumbs follow suit because they take a long time to heal and are very painful.

Last night was our second pre-season b-ball game. We won this time. It was a lot of fun, but not just because we won. Last week I had gotten up before dawn on Saturday to hunt and hike all day, then Sunday I got up before dawn as well. So, that being said, I had very little energy that Sunday night. Well, this time I did VERY little in the physical side of things the whole weekend and so I had energy to spare. I was so hyped up from the game though that when I got home and showered, I couldn't sleep. I ended up reading until 11:30 even though I had to get up at 4:20 this morning to go work at the gym. Before I worked out at the gym. So yeah a little sleepy this morning, but I'm doing okay now.

I was reading a book called "The High King" by Lloyd Alexander that was published in 1968 I think. Its the fifth book in series about a boy named Taran and his dreams of adventure, and how he grows up and learns a lot about life in the process. Its good stuff but I put it on pause so I can read "The Shack". Its very interesting so far and I haven't even gotten to the good parts that everyone has told me about.

Emily and I rented "Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Stories" for our wii yesterday. It is loads of fun. There is a little bit of challenge at times because there is a lot to notice, but it is made for kids so you can't get a game over. You can die and explode into a million pieces as many times as you want and the only penalty is losing money you've collected. We beat both Lego Star Wars games on PS2 so this is next, then batman sometime down the line.

Saturday night Shi and Melissa brought over a game called "Quelf". Zac I know what you are thinking because I couldn't understand Shi on the phone so he said "its kinda like Qu___." So every time someone says Quelf I think of it. It was way fun and way crazy. We had a blast making fools of ourselves.

Sarah when we played I instantly thought of you and Red, as long as he can just have fun if you know what I mean. There is a lot of "Well that's good enough" times. Its definitely a game that is more about creativity than set rules. Except for the RULZ cards that force you to do things like "bah like a goat whenever someone draws a card" or "whenever someone rolls a four you have to hold a pretend video camera and talk like you were filming their turn as a documentary". Oh yeah, fun stuff.

I just noticed I spelled "currently" wrong in the title. Too bad you won't see it. I know I spelled "practice" wrong in my other blog title, but I decided that its an adaptation of the words "practice" and "active", so there.

Anywho, I obviously need to wright more often so that my blogs aren't three hours long. Or something like that.

Bad News

2008-11-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

Its interesting the way we react to bad news. I just got some news that is not encouraging, but not devastating either. At first I was sad, then I went into practical mode to take care of my wife, and now I'm sad again. Hmm, I don't get emotion and I don't much care for them.

Practive

2008-10-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Okay so tonight I have basketball practice. Right now I'm on my lunch and I have half of it left. I should be stretching and getting ready for tonight. Instead I'm sitting my in chair. Being lazy. Shame on me. I guess the important thing to focus on now is long term benefits vs. short term. If I stretch now I will greatly reduce my chance of injury, improve my mobility and speed and therefore my "game", and I will feel better throught the day. Short term benefits include...........

Anatomy

2008-10-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

I don't understand a whole lot of anatomy, but I do know some basics. For instance, liquid waste is supposed to come out one side while solid waste comes out the other. Thankfully I've never had solid waste come out the wrong side (ie kidney stones) but today my body got things backwards with the liquid waste. I was told its important to stay hydrated so drink lots of water. Well, that is a good idea, too bad it only stays in for about 10 or 20 mins. Just thought you all needed to hear about it.

C-League

2008-10-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my first city league basketball practice.
I am still hurting. A lot.
I think what is most sore is my ribs. I took a lot of deep breaths. It really stretched me, which is what I wanted, but man does it hurt. For practice we basically just played four on four with one man out. After the first game my chest hurt oh so very badly and I was seeing colors. I drank water and went outside to get some fresh air. I almost puked. I have never puked due to physical exertion, but I was realy close Now the insides of my thighs hurt and my abdomen is killing me. Thankfully I was expecting this. Its what happens when a guy is ridiculously out of shape and he trys to keep up with people who work out regularly. I am not one of those guys who is content to just do what I can do. I'm always pushing. Always attempting to further my boundaries. Even when I do get in shape, I'll still be pushing. Why? Beats me.

My Rant

2008-10-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Excuse me if I'm being rantish, but I need to rant. I was just on a rant board that I can't reply too because of my special internet at work.

I am sick of preachers preaching something other than the gospel
I am sick of denominations
I am sick of hearing the negative opinions americans have about "christians" because some well meaning person tried to preach truth into their lives without giving them any reason to believe. They might say "The reason for believing is so you won't go to hell". Yeah well why don't I just become a muslim, off myself for the cause, escape this whole frustration in a can we call life and spend eternity not in hell, but in virgin heaven? There has got to be something more than words. There has got to be something tangible. People need an encounter with God. There is nothing we can do to convince people, not these days. The only we we can show people the truth is by SHOWING them something. Don't get me wrong, I know faith matters. I know there comes a point when people have to make a choice to believe in a physically invisible God, but how much more willing to listen to someone talk about Him would they be if they had encountered Him? What do I mean by encounter? My headache suddenly went away, I was crippled and now I walk, my bills got paid this month and I don't know how, my long lost brother called me just to talk. There are a million billion ways God can encounter someone and it would be a million billion times more meaningful than being told they are going to hell if they don't shape up.

Another way for people to encounter God is through true love. The bible says that "God is love". That is way deeper than "God loves you" or "God is loving". It says He is love. That means every time you show somebody love, you are letting them experience God whether you meant to or not. Now imagine if somebody were shown love, and I don't mean your grandma that raised you and is the best in the whole world, I am talking about the unlovely. Your boss that is a jerk, that smelly guy on the corner who makes 10 times as much money as you do just by being lazy and asking for it, that driver that cut you off, in essence, the unlovely, just imagine if you showed them a courtesy beyond politeness. What if you consistently showed somebody love (this is not to say you won't have bad days, we all do) who is not used to receiving it? That is the sort of behavior that gets people asking questions like "whats up with you?" and that is when you get to tell them that its not your love at all, but the love already given to you by Jesus. Wouldn't that make more of an impact than a bumper sticker that the jerk tailgating you reads that says "Smile, God loves you"?

Please don't read this like I think I'm a know it all. I am talking to myself for most of this. I just wish that people, all people, could experience the love of Jesus rather than be told about it by A. well meaning people who have never experienced it themselves or B. by people doing to look good and that is all they care about.

I will stop writing now or else this could go on for days

4:30 a.m.

2008-10-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Why oh why do I get up at 4:30 in the morning when I don't have to be at work until 7? I'll tell you. Its my second job.....of sorts. I am working 4 hours a week at a local gym to earn a free membership. Its a really nice gym, they have tennis courts, indoor and outdoor basketball, sand volley ball, a gyro, a saltwater pool, therapy pool and hot tub. So I get there at 5 in the morning Monday thru Thursday and clean something. Today I did a little vacuuming, dusted a chain link fence and all the stretching machines, then I was done. My schedule at work changes in November, but until then, I am lucky to have some time after cleaning to work out. Today I ran a mile on the treadmill. I hadn't warmed up and I didn't want to hurt myself so I started out walking. Then I went between jogging and something between jogging and power walking as the machine saw fit. After nine minutes I bumped up the speed to 10 mph so I could finish the mile in 10 minutes. I finished in 10:01. Good enough. I burned 180 calories, but it seemed like a lot more. Especially since I hadn't eaten breakfast. Not enough time.

Its worth it to get in shape and feel good. But man am I sleepy.

Praise God

2008-10-16T06:59:00.001-07:00

So, my lovely car, which is described below, was taken to the shop. Not generally a good thing since, lets face it, mechanics don't exactly have the best reputaion. Thankfully, I was connected with a guy who is honest. Hard to believe, but true none the less. He found several things wrong with my car but the end bill came out to only 130.40. Now my car runs like a champ. Yeah!

2008-10-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

The cascade
The colors
The pumpkin
The earth
The piling
The eventual rot
The coming decay
The disintegration
The consumption
The life giving
The new growth
The cascade

Okay, what do you think it is?

Me Coche

2008-10-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Blue Faded Peeling Chipping
Rust Primer Chrome Trim
Dented Scratched Creaking Groaning

What is dependency?
Come and lend me your ear
I'll tell you 'bout a car
That to my heart is dear

You'll never find another
So dependable and true
What were you thinking?
Messing with paint that's blue

Well blue, and white, and rust
And some colors I can't describe
I think when GM is designing
On spirits they must imbibe

Paint based on water?
What the crap is that?
That is the worst idea ever
And that my friend, is a fact

But at least I know I can count on the engine
To stall at every stop in town
It sputters and it coughs
Though the gas pedal, I push down

But hey, at least it runs
And it's clean on the inside too
I inspect the ceiling every day
because it hangs down and obscures my view

So while I'm driving
Trying to keep the engine running
Holding up the roof carpet with my head
I'm exercising my cunning

For it takes a lot of brain power
To operate my car
But once I get going
You can bet I'll go far

I sit back, relax
Listen to my music
Too bad every time I hit a bump
It fuzzes and I lose it

No worries though
It always clears up
Just like teenage acne
And a foggy glass beer cup

But even with all its quirks
My car is still great
It even drives itself
Though I think its from another state

It always wants to go faster
It gets bored at sixty-five
When the cruise control is on
The accelerator comes alive

All in all
Its not so bad
It gets me where I'm going
Even though it makes me MAD

I thank God for it every day
Theres not a rig I like better
'Cause fancy and new is boring
Anyday I'll take a car with character

Another Dream

2008-09-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I had another dream. I will write down what I remember. It was so vivid and clear.

I was at work. It was a place similar to where I work now but it was different outside. There were a lot of natural disasters happening, mainly in our area it had been raining so much and it was flooding bad. I went to work and it had stopped raining. There were a lot of other weird things going on as well. There were three mountains close to where I was, and each had something on top. I don't remember what was on the middle one, but on the outside two were two huge monsters. They were brown and black and they looked kind of like insects. I got one of the guys in my work to come out and look. They were so big they covered up the top of the mountain. There was some kind of carnival gong on in the parking lot. There were lots of tents and such set up. We were looking at the weird creatures when the near one spread its wings and went air born. The underside of its wings was a rainbow of color, red orange, yellow and green. When it took to the sky its whole body went rainbow of the same colors and it was a dragon. It had four legs, a long tail and short neck. The second one also took to the air and was a dragon. It was short and round like a barrel and it was purple and blue. The big one seemingly attached its wings to the ground and stretched way back, then let go and swooped at the ground. My co-worker and I were hiding against a tent and it was very close. They asked us what we were doing and we told them working. They started dive bombing the ground and telling us that work was a waste of time and we should just have fun. We said we had to buy food and they said just to catch your food. They continued to dive bomb the parking lot and when I had the chance, I ran for the edge of the buildings where there was an overhang.

The Joy, The Spark, The Creativity

2008-09-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

If you were to ask nearly anyone who knows me, you would find that for the most part I'm an enjoyable person to be around. I am talkative, but I am also a good listener. I have a lot of positive things to say and I am very encouraging. I am really good at having fun and generally I make it easy for others to have fun as well. I remember being described once, when I worked in the plywood mill (which is the most boring mundane awful place to work[except for some of the people]) as being "frustratingly positive". Lately though, when I begin to write, I just feel down. My chest feels heavy, my brain hurts and the creativity that normally jumps right out of me lies dormant. I can only think of crappy things to write about. My spark is gone. I recently had a vision that was the most depressing thing I've ever seen. I was good motivation, for a normal time (is there such a thing?) however receiving it now just makes me sad. Starting this blog I envisioned encouraging and humorous stories and anecdotes would be clogging the pages, but it hasn't been so. So for my sister and anyone else who happens to stumble upon my blog, forgive me. Maybe eventually I will find my way to the surface of this dark water and be able to see again.

Witnessing

2008-09-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

What is the best way to witness to someone who knows the truth but is choosing not to act on it? I have a tough time trying to figure out whether to be "tough" on them or just kinda nudging them along towards changing their lives. It greatly depends on their personalities I'm sure. I think the most frustrating part is when they say things like "I know I need to clean up my act" or "I know I'm really bad". I want to say "This is important! This isn't like 'I need to exercise' or 'I need to clean my house'. This is LIFE or DEATH! Its not a matter of simply acknowledging the truth, you have to do something about it. Stop taking the easy path. Stop being lazy and get it together. There are a hundred people praying for you all the time. You can feel it, I know you can, God has a purpose for you and He really really wants to be your friend. Come on!"

But of course, that would take courage, and there is a good chance I'd get called "pushy" or something else. Maybe that is okay. Maybe I just need to get pushy. I really don't know right now. Time to pray and see answers in the word.

Emotions

2008-09-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so, I'm not really an emotional guy, unless you count chillness as an emotion. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have my passions and things that excite me and things that piss me right off, but in general, I'm pretty chill. When I do experience strong emotion, I don't generally handle it very well. When I get angry, I often yell, punch stuff, and exit the situation withouth much tact or dignity. When I get excited I tend to get loud, obnoxious, and I often talk enough for 10 auctioneers getting paid per sale.
One emotion that I don't do well at all is sadness. It feels weird to me. I don't get sad a whole lot, and when I do, it's like a big wet blanket, a wool one, got dropped on my from somewhere above my view. Suddenly I can't hold my head up, I can't get my bearings, I just feel lost. Sadness doesn't have the potency of anger to get a message acrossed, unless you were talking to me and you are certain people I know then it would work even better. I just feel hopeless at these points. Like I'm doing all I can to make life better for the world, but all I'm getting is flack. It never turns out right, its never enough and I can't fix anything. I know there is no point to feeling this way and I know that soon enough I'll get over it because life goes on regardless of emotion, but it feels good to wallow in. Listening to sad music is like cortizone after you've cleaned out your belly button with poison oak, it just makes things feel okay. I thought that maybe writing about it would help, it did a little, but not much. Oh well.

Dream

2008-09-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm going to relate a dream I had this morning and any comments would be great.

I was at my moms house with my wife. I believe we were the only ones there. I got upset about something and went outside. Our car was in its usual spot but behind it was a car I didn't recognize. It was white and styled like a Dodge Magnum only bigger. The wheels (rims) were completely white and nearly solid. It was very clean and had tinted windows. It was dusk when I went out. I didn't do anything and just went back inside. Later, I got upset again and went outside. This time our car was gone and the big white car with the tall white wheels was backed into its place. I approached it and was suddenly shocked with electricity. It was like a jolt though, it was like a solid wall of electricity. It knocked me down. I got up and went back inside. Later, I was outside again. It was night and I was in only my underwear. I wondered why the car was there so I approached it again and again I was knocked down by the electricity. A woman was walking in my direction from the other side. I now saw a large black SUV there as well. I was very angry at the woman. I got up, seemingly inside the electricity for I was continually shocked. I started walking toward her. It took a lot of effort and was very painful. I was breathing hard and I started snarling at her.

At that point my wife woke me up because I was "breathing weird". Any ideas?

Project 86 Lyrics

2008-08-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

So recently, my beautiful and awesome wife who doesn't even know I started this blog found a cd I had been missing terribly. I hadn't seen it in about year, and still, it was on my mind. I started listening to it again and realized that losing it wasn't a bad thing. It was a God thing. I remember really enjoying it, but not really understanding the lyrics much. These last few days the stories and meanings of the majority of the songs have literally JUMPED out at me. Take for instance this gem

"Wordsmith Legacy"

Knock knock knock
Sound the blows to the forhead from the
Mock mock mock
Of the words, a voice I hear every morning

Like stalking me from yesterday
The taunts of one who sought to frame
The picture of this desolate
This figure cowering

Every word a double edged sword
A double edged sword
My every word

Drop drop drop
Sound the sledge to the metal
Shot shot shot
Sound the pin to the chamber
My own words pound after me
Intentions bent on conquering
The very will I proudly claimed
Was the very axe that cut the nape

Every word a double edged sword
A double edged sword
My every word

(I'll never, ever look back
Sitting still, sitting still
Arrogant mindset of lusts
They search and strain and drink and stagger
When we are hollow
Sitting still, sitting still
You hate us cause we'll never go away)

"You can drown
In your own mistakes
Burrowing into the black
or you can take my hand"

Double
Edged
Sword
My every word

"This gift was never yours
So why would you ever think
That the words you said were your own?
I have chosen
And breathed
And forgiven
And changed
And purged
And cleaned
And forgave
And bathed
And carried
And soothed
And burned
And spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken...
Yours is not to proclaim...but only to obey."

Just awesome.

Description Practice

2008-08-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

From the top of a dead stag, a buzzard gazed out across the land, waiting for some creature to succumb to the heat of the day and give up its life. A faint scent floated in on a light breeze, stirring the buzzard from its complacency. With an awkward flop, it left its tree-top resting place. With wings spread wide, it found a warm thermal and rode it like a moving sidewalk over the forest and field. An epic battle raged on the ground below, fought for as long as the earth was old. Though unnoticed by the winged scavenger, trees groaned on through their never ending struggle for more sunlight. Though large and powerful, one maneuver would take years to complete and centuries past before ground was taken or lost. Long bushy branches, like extremely hairy arms battered and pushed against each other. Multiple trees grown from the seeds of one blossom stretched ever upward in a race for higher standing. Never settling, never satisfied, always greedy for more, more, more.
Heedlessly the liver of the air passed by, drawn by the increasingly decadent smell of some form of flesh returning to dust. The bird flew lower and lower in slow circles over a field, tracing the scent. Finally it spotted its dinner. A large rat lay sprawled in the field, bloating and seemingly ready to pop. There was no apparently reason for its demise, but logic is seldom a part of the carrion cognitive process. Stepping the creatures grey head, the stubby white beak went to work, doing what it does best.
After downing a large chunk of especially soft underbelly skin, the lazy bird began to feast on the rich inner organs. With a now red beak, it removed the heart and lungs with the skill of surgeon running on a fifth of whiskey. The feast continued with the bite that's two bites at once, the stomach. Sadly for this poor buzzard, the logic that skipped being considered was the poison which did this rat in. Poison that was so strong and violent, it was still deadly.Before the rat was even half consumed, life had left the large bird. Days later, its scent would entice one of its brothers, and the circle continues.

Not a poem, a rhyme

2008-08-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

Waters did churn
And bells did roar
The creature Gurn
Was at the door

Alarms were raised
Screams were heard
Fires blazed
vision was blured

The women ran
The men took arms
They had no plan
To defeat his charms

He was cunning
He was fearful
Always running
Never cheerful

He was crazy
He was mad
Hated the lazy
Despised the glad

The gloom of a dark cloud
His only relief
Under an evil shroud
He sulked in his grief

What could cause
Such malicious fire
What could break
All human desire

Though you may not believe it
It is all too true
One little grudge
That made its way through