My Struggle

The mountain looms before me. Snow, ice, rock. Hard, unforgiving, merciless. At the bottom there is nothing. No progress, only stagnation and apathy. At the top there is, if nothing else, a view of what's to come. Though I know there is more. Much more. With daylight fading, I begin my assent. I begin moving from the footprint left when the world stepped on my and begin my forward progress. With determination in my eyes I move upward. I climb. Before I get very far though, I begin to slip. My feet cannot find purchase. I fall on my face, bruising and cutting my skin. Determination aids my legs in lifting from the ground. Again, pushing, fighting, scraping against the rocks with broken and split fingernails. Digging in with numb toes. Exhausted, completely out of fuel that is will to go on, my knees hit the ice. As my upper body nears the snow, my hands automatically appear underneath my chest and attempt to hold up my face. Pain shoots up my right arm. Snow fills my nostrils and open, screaming mouth. Blood is streaming down my arm as it pumps liberally out of my palm. With pressure the bleeding stops. A quick snow wash reveals a slice too clean to have been made by rock or ice. God must be mocking me. Kicking me when I'm down. Taking advantage of my inability to scale the obstacle set before me. What method of torture is He using on me? Three more nicks appear on my fingers as I brush away the snow. A metal spike, browned by my blood pokes through the snow, along with many others connected to a soul. Wish concentrated effort, I free the boot from its icy prison. Its exactly my size. Its partner is revealed next to the whole created by the first climbing boot. With my street shoes behind me, I begin to tread straight up the hill with not one slip. My hand still hurts, I'm still cold, but the summit is in sight. My heart reaches out to the Ever Merciful, seeking and receiving forgiveness for its doubt and thanking Him for always giving me the tools I need, even when I am so blind He has to stab my hand to open my eyes.