10 days

Its been 1o days since my last post. A lot has happened in 10 days. Christmas even and Christmas have come and gone. There have been revelations, mountain rescues and lots of evil goodies. I have a lot to remember christmas by this year. I didn't get sick, well, mostly. I didn't get the flu that most of my family had, I had a cold, but it left me alone that day. There have been a lot of frustrations, negotiations and just plain getting along. I don't really feel like writing everything down. I'm not sure why. Maybe it just isn't the right time or maybe I should be spending my creative thinking elsewhere.

One thing though, Sarah, thanks for your gift, it really means a lot to me. I think Jesus was really looking out for me, I got offered another set on Sunday, how funny is that. I like yours better though and I can' wait to get it home and set up with those big rubber pads to make it all okay. Love you tons.

Stupid Snow

Why is the snow stupid? Because it keeps teasing me! It snows just enough to make you want to go out and have some fun, but not nearly enough to warrant calling in to work. I try to pray for more snow, but then I think about all the people who don't want it to snow. There are people who want to go to work because they need the money (that's not to say I don't, far from it, I would just be willing to deal with the consequences) people who have road trips planned etc. I can't wish ill upon them just for my own selfish desire. Thank God its Friday and the weekend is soon upon us. We have Sunday set aside for a snow trip after church, Sarah would you like to join us? I'll call you.

Split Ends

No, I'm not talking about hair. I'm talking about fingers. This is the second year in a row that my fingers have split really bad right at the corners of my nails. Its terribly frustrating, annoying and painful. Any tips on taking care of them?

World of Warcraft

Sounds like a fun game. A really fun game. I don't play it because we don't have internet, a computer that would run it smoothly, or the 15 bucks a month it takes to play. Even if we had all that, I probably wouldn't play it much because I don't have a lot of spare time. Which is by choice of course, I have a lot going on for fun and such. It is frustrating though because two of the guys I work with talk about it a lot and now a buddy of mine is playing it too so I get to hear all about it without ever getting to play. Oh don't you just feel oh so bad for me?

Mr. Eye, Meet Mr. Ball

So this morning, my wife and I were playing raquet ball at the gym. I get hit usually a couple times per game because I am slow. I don't move fast enough and I get tagged. Often, by a ball I just hit that rebounded off the wall. Yeah, pretty sad. But today, today it was different. Well, okay not different, there was more. The ball was flying along with me in hot pursuit. Warm anyway. I took a big ol' swing attemping to fling the blue sphere into the wall before it lost altitude and hit the floor. I didn't miss. Neither did I make solid contact. Instead I hit the ball with the edge of my raquet send straight up into the air. Luckily my face was there to keep the ball from going very high. Mainly, my eye. It hurt, I admit, but its all better now. I thought I might get a black eye, but no such luck. Bad luck that is. Normally I am proud of my war wounds, but that would just attract to much ribbing at work and considering the personality of my boss, I'd still be getting comments on it a year from now.



But then again, maybe I could just pretend he wrote it and left it on my blog.............Nah!

Strange Happenings at Work

Okay so last Saturday Dec 6th, I was at work. I wasn't working, I just had to be there because someone was using the building for a brazing class. My boss came by to blow some leaves off the sidewalk and parking lot, and of course he then came in to have some coffee and say howdy. We talked for a long time and he brought up an employment ad he had seen in the paper. I was for a job similar to mine only making more money. He encouraged me to check it out. He even went so far as to send me there while I was at work yesterday to turn in an application. I doubt it will come to anything because there are a lot of people applying for it and after talking with the hiring man, I realize I don't quite have all of the qualifications they are looking for.
It is amazing to me though that he cares that much. He cites things like "I know you probably want to buy a house and you've got a wife to take care of" and he is worried because business is really slow and I might not get a raise. He can be so incredibly frustrating during a days work, so much so that I have to fight not to punch him in the face and say "just shut up already! You make no sense and your logic is completely irrational!" and then he goes and does stuff like this. I just wish he could feel the love of God more. He is catholic, so he tries to just live by the law, but it of course isn't working out for him. I just feel bad for him.

Cool Blog

So recently while browsing the net at work I came across a blog full of fun "lists" such as "10 misspelled tattoos" and "Only in Africa" all pictures. It has a lot of funny stuff, interesting stuff, and some controversial stuff. Check it out
www.oddee.com

Basketball

Last Sunday, the 30th of November, was our fourth and final pre-season game. We got absolutely smashed. I could say, "but it was fun so its okay" but I won't, because it wasn't. Not because we lost, that happens, but because I got annoyed at one of the players on our team. He thinks he's all that, but he really is not. He doesn't do the job he is assigned and the team suffers. Its just frustrating. Oh and he took me out of the game after only two minutes in the last quarter and we didn't do any better with him in. Its a good character building time for me.

Disney Land and such

Okay so here is my first post since going to disney land a week and a half ago.
Itinerary:
Get picked up at work in Medford at 1 pm
Drive to Sacramento with a stop in Redding for some In 'n' Out burger plus multiple potty stops.
Arrive around 6:30 or something
Leave next morning at 6 am
Stop at the base of the Grapevine for some In 'n' Out burger
Go check out Hollywood
Arrive at hotel in Anaheim around 3 pm
Go to Disney land until around 8
Go to Disney land next day from 8 to 10
Go to Disney Land next day from around 10 to 5:30
Went to Sizzler for dinner cause the wifey needed salad. We ate sourdough bread bowls for all other dinners which are good but the white flour was starting to make her not feel good
Go to Disney Land at 7:30 next day leave at 9:45 drive to Sacramanto
Stay one night instead of two due to annoying circumstances beyond my control
And there you have it. We got back to Medford around 6:30 on Friday night

Disney Land was a lot of fun. It was a good time to go because there weren't nearly as many people there as there is during the Summer. At least thats what I've been told, this was my first trip. There was so much to see and do, but more to see. Every ride was more than a ride. It was a story. There were so many details built in to everything. For instance the Indiana Jones ride. Even while you are standing in line, there are displays of various "adventure" equipment, stone statues, apparent booby traps and more. It was all very entertaining. If I can manage it, I'll get some pics on here, but probably not until next week, if at all. I will definitely want to go back, in maybe 5 or 10 years. Lots of fun but very draining.

Basketball

Sunday night was our third pre-season game. We won, but only by two. At one point we were up by 11, but the other team were fighters. I honestly saw some of the worst calls ever by the refs that night. For instance, one of our players went up for a shot, a defender was in front of him facing the hoop. They collided during the shot. Generally if a defender is moving and makes contact with the shooter, its a foul on the defender, however, for some reason, the ball was awarded to the other team. We ended up winning anyway, but not without some frustration. I was a little late due to having company over and instead of being there 45 minutes early I was about 10 minutes late so it went really fast, but it was fun. I will miss next week due to being on vacation, which will be sad, but I'll survive. Expect a nice long blog when I get back.

The Shack

Okay so I just finished reading "The Shack". It is hard to find the words to communicate what I felt reading it. For starters, I have never cried over a book or movie and I have read lots and lots of books. I cried twice reading this book. If you will read my rant below, it is like "The Shack" but only in the sense of comparing a welders mask to somebody seeing for the first time in their 99 years of life. Its amazing. Read it. Its worth the time, effort and money. Please, just give it a chance.

My Job

I am thankful for my job. Very thankful in fact. There is a lot to be thankful for: great hours, decent pay, awesome benefits, engaging and interesting work etc. However, I am not content here. I am not satisfied. Talking to my mom the other day (I do that quite a bit) she reminded me that when I first started a year and a half ago, I said this was just a lillypad between banks. It was just temporary. A job to pay the bills. So now, when I'm at the point where I'm bored because I have basically mastered my current position and like millions of other places there is not enough business to warrant a promotion, I start thinking about the fact that this lilly pad is awfully small and I can see the edges. In the distance, I can see the far bank, but I am not sure what it looks like. If this is just a job to pay the bills, what is a job that is more than that? What is it that I'm looking for? I get bored easy, yet I can almost always find some way to entertain myself. I've never really been content at a job. There is always something that really bugs me. Something that makes me want to just run away. Hmmm, I don't know. I like stories, and thinking up stories, but putting them to paper is hard for me, as I'm sure it is for a lot of people. What else is there for a guy who just likes to have fun and make people feel good about themselves. I just really like to help people see who they are in Jesus. I know that I can do those things anywhere I am, so maybe I am just being undisciplined or something. I think that if God made me with my personality, He sure as heck had a plan for what I would do with my life. Again I say, hmmmm.

A Quitter

Thats me. Well, it used to be anyways. When I was growing up, I didn't stick to anything. My parents let me walk away from whatever. I quit highschool, I quit football, I quit college, I quit my first job. I know there were reasons, but I learned its easier to just get out instead of plowing ahead. These days I'm not so inclined to give up easily. I have re-learned that its important to stick with the task and see it through to completion. Right now however, I am not feeling very committed. There is a lot going on in my life that is just frustrating the heck out of me. My mom and I decided that something really good needed to happen in our lives. There is good stuff that happens, but it seems there is a lot more bad stuff. I know that there are good things that can come out of every situation through Jesus, but I'm ready for something really good, something big and good to happen. I'm sick of feeling like I'm climbing a shale hill and everytime I try to get a handhold I get cut and the hold breaks. Pretty soon I'm going too be to weak from blood loss to keep climbing. I know God won't ever give me anything I can't handle, but I sure wish He'd throw me a rope soon.

Currently in Life

Right now I'm in the back of my warehouse blogging away during inventory pre-count days. I don't have a lot to do right now thanks to the fact that my boss put someone other than himself in charge of inventory and I'm not going around putting "1" on all our compressors etc.

Some other things though. I know that winter is coming because my fingers are beginning to split right at the corner of the nail. I need to start putting on the lotion before my thumbs follow suit because they take a long time to heal and are very painful.

Last night was our second pre-season b-ball game. We won this time. It was a lot of fun, but not just because we won. Last week I had gotten up before dawn on Saturday to hunt and hike all day, then Sunday I got up before dawn as well. So, that being said, I had very little energy that Sunday night. Well, this time I did VERY little in the physical side of things the whole weekend and so I had energy to spare. I was so hyped up from the game though that when I got home and showered, I couldn't sleep. I ended up reading until 11:30 even though I had to get up at 4:20 this morning to go work at the gym. Before I worked out at the gym. So yeah a little sleepy this morning, but I'm doing okay now.

I was reading a book called "The High King" by Lloyd Alexander that was published in 1968 I think. Its the fifth book in series about a boy named Taran and his dreams of adventure, and how he grows up and learns a lot about life in the process. Its good stuff but I put it on pause so I can read "The Shack". Its very interesting so far and I haven't even gotten to the good parts that everyone has told me about.

Emily and I rented "Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Stories" for our wii yesterday. It is loads of fun. There is a little bit of challenge at times because there is a lot to notice, but it is made for kids so you can't get a game over. You can die and explode into a million pieces as many times as you want and the only penalty is losing money you've collected. We beat both Lego Star Wars games on PS2 so this is next, then batman sometime down the line.

Saturday night Shi and Melissa brought over a game called "Quelf". Zac I know what you are thinking because I couldn't understand Shi on the phone so he said "its kinda like Qu___." So every time someone says Quelf I think of it. It was way fun and way crazy. We had a blast making fools of ourselves.

Sarah when we played I instantly thought of you and Red, as long as he can just have fun if you know what I mean. There is a lot of "Well that's good enough" times. Its definitely a game that is more about creativity than set rules. Except for the RULZ cards that force you to do things like "bah like a goat whenever someone draws a card" or "whenever someone rolls a four you have to hold a pretend video camera and talk like you were filming their turn as a documentary". Oh yeah, fun stuff.

I just noticed I spelled "currently" wrong in the title. Too bad you won't see it. I know I spelled "practice" wrong in my other blog title, but I decided that its an adaptation of the words "practice" and "active", so there.

Anywho, I obviously need to wright more often so that my blogs aren't three hours long. Or something like that.

Bad News

Its interesting the way we react to bad news. I just got some news that is not encouraging, but not devastating either. At first I was sad, then I went into practical mode to take care of my wife, and now I'm sad again. Hmm, I don't get emotion and I don't much care for them.

Practive

Okay so tonight I have basketball practice. Right now I'm on my lunch and I have half of it left. I should be stretching and getting ready for tonight. Instead I'm sitting my in chair. Being lazy. Shame on me. I guess the important thing to focus on now is long term benefits vs. short term. If I stretch now I will greatly reduce my chance of injury, improve my mobility and speed and therefore my "game", and I will feel better throught the day. Short term benefits include...........

Anatomy

I don't understand a whole lot of anatomy, but I do know some basics. For instance, liquid waste is supposed to come out one side while solid waste comes out the other. Thankfully I've never had solid waste come out the wrong side (ie kidney stones) but today my body got things backwards with the liquid waste. I was told its important to stay hydrated so drink lots of water. Well, that is a good idea, too bad it only stays in for about 10 or 20 mins. Just thought you all needed to hear about it.

C-League

Saturday was my first city league basketball practice.
I am still hurting. A lot.
I think what is most sore is my ribs. I took a lot of deep breaths. It really stretched me, which is what I wanted, but man does it hurt. For practice we basically just played four on four with one man out. After the first game my chest hurt oh so very badly and I was seeing colors. I drank water and went outside to get some fresh air. I almost puked. I have never puked due to physical exertion, but I was realy close Now the insides of my thighs hurt and my abdomen is killing me. Thankfully I was expecting this. Its what happens when a guy is ridiculously out of shape and he trys to keep up with people who work out regularly. I am not one of those guys who is content to just do what I can do. I'm always pushing. Always attempting to further my boundaries. Even when I do get in shape, I'll still be pushing. Why? Beats me.

My Rant

Excuse me if I'm being rantish, but I need to rant. I was just on a rant board that I can't reply too because of my special internet at work.

I am sick of preachers preaching something other than the gospel
I am sick of denominations
I am sick of hearing the negative opinions americans have about "christians" because some well meaning person tried to preach truth into their lives without giving them any reason to believe. They might say "The reason for believing is so you won't go to hell". Yeah well why don't I just become a muslim, off myself for the cause, escape this whole frustration in a can we call life and spend eternity not in hell, but in virgin heaven? There has got to be something more than words. There has got to be something tangible. People need an encounter with God. There is nothing we can do to convince people, not these days. The only we we can show people the truth is by SHOWING them something. Don't get me wrong, I know faith matters. I know there comes a point when people have to make a choice to believe in a physically invisible God, but how much more willing to listen to someone talk about Him would they be if they had encountered Him? What do I mean by encounter? My headache suddenly went away, I was crippled and now I walk, my bills got paid this month and I don't know how, my long lost brother called me just to talk. There are a million billion ways God can encounter someone and it would be a million billion times more meaningful than being told they are going to hell if they don't shape up.

Another way for people to encounter God is through true love. The bible says that "God is love". That is way deeper than "God loves you" or "God is loving". It says He is love. That means every time you show somebody love, you are letting them experience God whether you meant to or not. Now imagine if somebody were shown love, and I don't mean your grandma that raised you and is the best in the whole world, I am talking about the unlovely. Your boss that is a jerk, that smelly guy on the corner who makes 10 times as much money as you do just by being lazy and asking for it, that driver that cut you off, in essence, the unlovely, just imagine if you showed them a courtesy beyond politeness. What if you consistently showed somebody love (this is not to say you won't have bad days, we all do) who is not used to receiving it? That is the sort of behavior that gets people asking questions like "whats up with you?" and that is when you get to tell them that its not your love at all, but the love already given to you by Jesus. Wouldn't that make more of an impact than a bumper sticker that the jerk tailgating you reads that says "Smile, God loves you"?

Please don't read this like I think I'm a know it all. I am talking to myself for most of this. I just wish that people, all people, could experience the love of Jesus rather than be told about it by A. well meaning people who have never experienced it themselves or B. by people doing to look good and that is all they care about.

I will stop writing now or else this could go on for days

4:30 a.m.

Why oh why do I get up at 4:30 in the morning when I don't have to be at work until 7? I'll tell you. Its my second job.....of sorts. I am working 4 hours a week at a local gym to earn a free membership. Its a really nice gym, they have tennis courts, indoor and outdoor basketball, sand volley ball, a gyro, a saltwater pool, therapy pool and hot tub. So I get there at 5 in the morning Monday thru Thursday and clean something. Today I did a little vacuuming, dusted a chain link fence and all the stretching machines, then I was done. My schedule at work changes in November, but until then, I am lucky to have some time after cleaning to work out. Today I ran a mile on the treadmill. I hadn't warmed up and I didn't want to hurt myself so I started out walking. Then I went between jogging and something between jogging and power walking as the machine saw fit. After nine minutes I bumped up the speed to 10 mph so I could finish the mile in 10 minutes. I finished in 10:01. Good enough. I burned 180 calories, but it seemed like a lot more. Especially since I hadn't eaten breakfast. Not enough time.

Its worth it to get in shape and feel good. But man am I sleepy.

Praise God

So, my lovely car, which is described below, was taken to the shop. Not generally a good thing since, lets face it, mechanics don't exactly have the best reputaion. Thankfully, I was connected with a guy who is honest. Hard to believe, but true none the less. He found several things wrong with my car but the end bill came out to only 130.40. Now my car runs like a champ. Yeah!

The cascade
The colors
The pumpkin
The earth
The piling
The eventual rot
The coming decay
The disintegration
The consumption
The life giving
The new growth
The cascade



Okay, what do you think it is?

Me Coche

Blue Faded Peeling Chipping
Rust Primer Chrome Trim
Dented Scratched Creaking Groaning



What is dependency?
Come and lend me your ear
I'll tell you 'bout a car
That to my heart is dear

You'll never find another
So dependable and true
What were you thinking?
Messing with paint that's blue

Well blue, and white, and rust
And some colors I can't describe
I think when GM is designing
On spirits they must imbibe

Paint based on water?
What the crap is that?
That is the worst idea ever
And that my friend, is a fact

But at least I know I can count on the engine
To stall at every stop in town
It sputters and it coughs
Though the gas pedal, I push down

But hey, at least it runs
And it's clean on the inside too
I inspect the ceiling every day
because it hangs down and obscures my view

So while I'm driving
Trying to keep the engine running
Holding up the roof carpet with my head
I'm exercising my cunning

For it takes a lot of brain power
To operate my car
But once I get going
You can bet I'll go far

I sit back, relax
Listen to my music
Too bad every time I hit a bump
It fuzzes and I lose it

No worries though
It always clears up
Just like teenage acne
And a foggy glass beer cup

But even with all its quirks
My car is still great
It even drives itself
Though I think its from another state

It always wants to go faster
It gets bored at sixty-five
When the cruise control is on
The accelerator comes alive

All in all
Its not so bad
It gets me where I'm going
Even though it makes me MAD

I thank God for it every day
Theres not a rig I like better
'Cause fancy and new is boring
Anyday I'll take a car with character

Another Dream

Last night I had another dream. I will write down what I remember. It was so vivid and clear.

I was at work. It was a place similar to where I work now but it was different outside. There were a lot of natural disasters happening, mainly in our area it had been raining so much and it was flooding bad. I went to work and it had stopped raining. There were a lot of other weird things going on as well. There were three mountains close to where I was, and each had something on top. I don't remember what was on the middle one, but on the outside two were two huge monsters. They were brown and black and they looked kind of like insects. I got one of the guys in my work to come out and look. They were so big they covered up the top of the mountain. There was some kind of carnival gong on in the parking lot. There were lots of tents and such set up. We were looking at the weird creatures when the near one spread its wings and went air born. The underside of its wings was a rainbow of color, red orange, yellow and green. When it took to the sky its whole body went rainbow of the same colors and it was a dragon. It had four legs, a long tail and short neck. The second one also took to the air and was a dragon. It was short and round like a barrel and it was purple and blue. The big one seemingly attached its wings to the ground and stretched way back, then let go and swooped at the ground. My co-worker and I were hiding against a tent and it was very close. They asked us what we were doing and we told them working. They started dive bombing the ground and telling us that work was a waste of time and we should just have fun. We said we had to buy food and they said just to catch your food. They continued to dive bomb the parking lot and when I had the chance, I ran for the edge of the buildings where there was an overhang.

The Joy, The Spark, The Creativity

If you were to ask nearly anyone who knows me, you would find that for the most part I'm an enjoyable person to be around. I am talkative, but I am also a good listener. I have a lot of positive things to say and I am very encouraging. I am really good at having fun and generally I make it easy for others to have fun as well. I remember being described once, when I worked in the plywood mill (which is the most boring mundane awful place to work[except for some of the people]) as being "frustratingly positive". Lately though, when I begin to write, I just feel down. My chest feels heavy, my brain hurts and the creativity that normally jumps right out of me lies dormant. I can only think of crappy things to write about. My spark is gone. I recently had a vision that was the most depressing thing I've ever seen. I was good motivation, for a normal time (is there such a thing?) however receiving it now just makes me sad. Starting this blog I envisioned encouraging and humorous stories and anecdotes would be clogging the pages, but it hasn't been so. So for my sister and anyone else who happens to stumble upon my blog, forgive me. Maybe eventually I will find my way to the surface of this dark water and be able to see again.

Witnessing

What is the best way to witness to someone who knows the truth but is choosing not to act on it? I have a tough time trying to figure out whether to be "tough" on them or just kinda nudging them along towards changing their lives. It greatly depends on their personalities I'm sure. I think the most frustrating part is when they say things like "I know I need to clean up my act" or "I know I'm really bad". I want to say "This is important! This isn't like 'I need to exercise' or 'I need to clean my house'. This is LIFE or DEATH! Its not a matter of simply acknowledging the truth, you have to do something about it. Stop taking the easy path. Stop being lazy and get it together. There are a hundred people praying for you all the time. You can feel it, I know you can, God has a purpose for you and He really really wants to be your friend. Come on!"

But of course, that would take courage, and there is a good chance I'd get called "pushy" or something else. Maybe that is okay. Maybe I just need to get pushy. I really don't know right now. Time to pray and see answers in the word.

Emotions

Okay so, I'm not really an emotional guy, unless you count chillness as an emotion. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have my passions and things that excite me and things that piss me right off, but in general, I'm pretty chill. When I do experience strong emotion, I don't generally handle it very well. When I get angry, I often yell, punch stuff, and exit the situation withouth much tact or dignity. When I get excited I tend to get loud, obnoxious, and I often talk enough for 10 auctioneers getting paid per sale.
One emotion that I don't do well at all is sadness. It feels weird to me. I don't get sad a whole lot, and when I do, it's like a big wet blanket, a wool one, got dropped on my from somewhere above my view. Suddenly I can't hold my head up, I can't get my bearings, I just feel lost. Sadness doesn't have the potency of anger to get a message acrossed, unless you were talking to me and you are certain people I know then it would work even better. I just feel hopeless at these points. Like I'm doing all I can to make life better for the world, but all I'm getting is flack. It never turns out right, its never enough and I can't fix anything. I know there is no point to feeling this way and I know that soon enough I'll get over it because life goes on regardless of emotion, but it feels good to wallow in. Listening to sad music is like cortizone after you've cleaned out your belly button with poison oak, it just makes things feel okay. I thought that maybe writing about it would help, it did a little, but not much. Oh well.

Dream

Okay so I'm going to relate a dream I had this morning and any comments would be great.

I was at my moms house with my wife. I believe we were the only ones there. I got upset about something and went outside. Our car was in its usual spot but behind it was a car I didn't recognize. It was white and styled like a Dodge Magnum only bigger. The wheels (rims) were completely white and nearly solid. It was very clean and had tinted windows. It was dusk when I went out. I didn't do anything and just went back inside. Later, I got upset again and went outside. This time our car was gone and the big white car with the tall white wheels was backed into its place. I approached it and was suddenly shocked with electricity. It was like a jolt though, it was like a solid wall of electricity. It knocked me down. I got up and went back inside. Later, I was outside again. It was night and I was in only my underwear. I wondered why the car was there so I approached it again and again I was knocked down by the electricity. A woman was walking in my direction from the other side. I now saw a large black SUV there as well. I was very angry at the woman. I got up, seemingly inside the electricity for I was continually shocked. I started walking toward her. It took a lot of effort and was very painful. I was breathing hard and I started snarling at her.

At that point my wife woke me up because I was "breathing weird". Any ideas?

Project 86 Lyrics

So recently, my beautiful and awesome wife who doesn't even know I started this blog found a cd I had been missing terribly. I hadn't seen it in about year, and still, it was on my mind. I started listening to it again and realized that losing it wasn't a bad thing. It was a God thing. I remember really enjoying it, but not really understanding the lyrics much. These last few days the stories and meanings of the majority of the songs have literally JUMPED out at me. Take for instance this gem

"Wordsmith Legacy"

Knock knock knock
Sound the blows to the forhead from the
Mock mock mock
Of the words, a voice I hear every morning

Like stalking me from yesterday
The taunts of one who sought to frame
The picture of this desolate
This figure cowering

Every word a double edged sword
A double edged sword
My every word

Drop drop drop
Sound the sledge to the metal
Shot shot shot
Sound the pin to the chamber
My own words pound after me
Intentions bent on conquering
The very will I proudly claimed
Was the very axe that cut the nape

Every word a double edged sword
A double edged sword
My every word

(I'll never, ever look back
Sitting still, sitting still
Arrogant mindset of lusts
They search and strain and drink and stagger
When we are hollow
Sitting still, sitting still
You hate us cause we'll never go away)

"You can drown
In your own mistakes
Burrowing into the black
or you can take my hand"

Double
Edged
Sword
My every word

"This gift was never yours
So why would you ever think
That the words you said were your own?
I have chosen
And breathed
And forgiven
And changed
And purged
And cleaned
And forgave
And bathed
And carried
And soothed
And burned
And spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken...
Yours is not to proclaim...but only to obey."


Just awesome.

Description Practice

From the top of a dead stag, a buzzard gazed out across the land, waiting for some creature to succumb to the heat of the day and give up its life. A faint scent floated in on a light breeze, stirring the buzzard from its complacency. With an awkward flop, it left its tree-top resting place. With wings spread wide, it found a warm thermal and rode it like a moving sidewalk over the forest and field. An epic battle raged on the ground below, fought for as long as the earth was old. Though unnoticed by the winged scavenger, trees groaned on through their never ending struggle for more sunlight. Though large and powerful, one maneuver would take years to complete and centuries past before ground was taken or lost. Long bushy branches, like extremely hairy arms battered and pushed against each other. Multiple trees grown from the seeds of one blossom stretched ever upward in a race for higher standing. Never settling, never satisfied, always greedy for more, more, more.
Heedlessly the liver of the air passed by, drawn by the increasingly decadent smell of some form of flesh returning to dust. The bird flew lower and lower in slow circles over a field, tracing the scent. Finally it spotted its dinner. A large rat lay sprawled in the field, bloating and seemingly ready to pop. There was no apparently reason for its demise, but logic is seldom a part of the carrion cognitive process. Stepping the creatures grey head, the stubby white beak went to work, doing what it does best.
After downing a large chunk of especially soft underbelly skin, the lazy bird began to feast on the rich inner organs. With a now red beak, it removed the heart and lungs with the skill of surgeon running on a fifth of whiskey. The feast continued with the bite that's two bites at once, the stomach. Sadly for this poor buzzard, the logic that skipped being considered was the poison which did this rat in. Poison that was so strong and violent, it was still deadly.Before the rat was even half consumed, life had left the large bird. Days later, its scent would entice one of its brothers, and the circle continues.

Not a poem, a rhyme

Waters did churn
And bells did roar
The creature Gurn
Was at the door

Alarms were raised
Screams were heard
Fires blazed
vision was blured

The women ran
The men took arms
They had no plan
To defeat his charms

He was cunning
He was fearful
Always running
Never cheerful

He was crazy
He was mad
Hated the lazy
Despised the glad

The gloom of a dark cloud
His only relief
Under an evil shroud
He sulked in his grief

What could cause
Such malicious fire
What could break
All human desire

Though you may not believe it
It is all too true
One little grudge
That made its way through

The Results

Greetings.
Here are the results of me being found out.
I explained to all that were present that my mistake had been an honest one. I had trusted someone I should not have (thanks to my pops for the trusting strangers gene :) and got burned. It was something easily avoided, but for some reason, my guard was down and I let myself be duped. NOT AGAIN I SAY! But then again, we'll just have to wait and see.

The basics? Everything is good so far. One point is still being negotiated with a third party, but all will turn out in time.

Matrixaphor

The Matrix was an awesome movie. In a metaphorical sense, its true. While there are no robots controlling things, there is a higher power. And while we can't plug our brains into a computer to experience another reality, we can be reborn into Christ. Being reborn is not a natural occurrence, it is supernatural. As my pastor puts it "We are not getting a second chance at a natural life, we are getting a first chance at a supernatural one". It is possible to live a day to day life in the reality of heaven, and when we do, we are absolutely unstoppable.

Desolation

The winds of change were blowing.
The inhabitants of the land were moving.
The vegetation was wilting.
The air becoming toxic.
A noise like thunder rolled across the land.
There was no hope for the living, their fates were sealed.
Soon all was barren.
Suddenly, a voice boomed out over the land saying "For the last time, no farting at the dinner table!"

Mistakes

Mistakes.
They are how we learn, but lets face it, they SUCK!
I hate it when I screw up. Plain and simple. The really frustrating part is that it happens all too often. I often run though situations in my mind, visualizing if you will, only it almost never turns out in "reality" the way it does in my mind. Recently I made an error that will difinitely cause me problems. I have no doubt that I can make it through with my mind intact, however I am not looking forward to the reaction of some when they find out what I've done. It's not against the law nor is it immoral, it does however break certain pre-set rules defined at the beginning of a certain relationship I have.
It's weighing on me.
Oh well, I guess I should just look for what I can learn from it. Too bad I already know and knew in the first place. So why did I go through with it? Maybe because I was half asleep at the time, maybe its because I feel like I want to prove I can do something on my own that will be beneficial. Only thing is, every time I try, I fail. In doing so, I increase appearance of a lack of ability to make good and wise decisions. I know why I screw up though. It's not a mystery. If I took the time to ask Jesus what He though before I went through with stuff, and then acted accordingly, it would be a completely different story.

The reactions will be posted soon, for inevitably, I will be found out.